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“It’s more the money than the other thing, but the other thing is there.”
“Why is the money a bigger problem for you?”
I turn to face her and touch her cheek. She leans into my palm and kisses me there. “Because the money is about you, baby. When he has the chance to help you, and he doesn’t jump at that chance and take it?” I shake my head. “Fuck that guy.”
“That guy is your dad. I know you’re angry with him about this, but he’s still your dad.”
“Is he?” I huff a laugh. “All I’ve ever gotten from him were lectures and nagging. He’s never shown me who he is, other than a series of lessons, one after another, on the rare occasion he was around.”
She gulps and frowns. “Do you think that maybe stealing a chunk of money from him isn’t the right way to get to know him?”
“We’re not stealing. It’s my money. I’m just trying to get back control before he was planning to give it to me.”
“Okay, true.” She pauses. “Tell me about him. You don’t talk about him much. Or your mom, for that matter. But the other night at their place, you seemed like you were having a good time with your family. Why the disconnect?”
It’s a good question. She’s too observant, but I don’t hate that about her. I like that she knows me. “My mom was around a lot. Dad, not so much. Lots of nannies, too. When Dad was around, it was lesson, lesson, lesson. If I didn’t immediately memorize whatever he talked about, I was in trouble. If I didn’t have great grades, trouble. Didn’t dress the way he liked, more trouble.”
“Why do you think he was so hard on you?”
“I’m not sure.” I take a beat and try to organize my thoughts on it all. But it’s hard. “When I was young, I didn’t understand it. Dad was this odd man who came around sometimes to yell at me. Then I saw my friends with their dads, and it wasn’t like that. At least, not when I was around. They joked and played sports. Had fun being guys. I think Dad missed the fun gene somehow.”
She smiles and clings to my arm. “I guess that happens.”
“Whatever the case, everything was rules with him. If you didn’t follow the rules, he didn’t like you. So, I tried. I wanted to make him happy. Every kid wants their father’s approval. At least when they’re young. It was a rare moment I ever felt like he approved of me. Or even liked me.” The words keep pouring out. “I’ve never really talked about this. Thanks for listening.”
“I’ll always listen to you, Anderson. I’m happy to do it.”
“It’s strange to say it, but I could never meet his expectations, and now, knowing what I know … that he’s doing something incredibly illegal, I’m sort of glad that I’ve never met his expectations. If I did, what kind of man would I be?”
She holds my arm tighter. “You’re not him, and that’s a good thing. Let’s just be happy about that.”
The problem is, I feel shattered in a way. “I know he’s not responsible for the version of him I’ve made in my head. It’s not fair to hold anyone to that kind of standard. But it feels like I had this picture of him in my mind, and now, pieces of that picture are being replaced by rotten versions of them. Does that make sense?”
“Too much sense, to be honest. But until you know what he’s doing, getting sucked into that quagmire isn’t going to help you. Can you put a pin in it until you actually know what he’s up to?”
“If it were your dad, could you?”
She chuckles. “No, I guess not.” She pats my leg and presses herself to me. “I enjoy having you here.”
I laugh at the abrupt change of topic. “That’s good. Because I enjoy being here.”
“What I mean is, this feels nice. Not the kidnapping and blackmail and lying, but having you here in bed with me. Just chatting about the day’s problems and trying to figure them out together. I’ve never really had that.”
“Me either. You’re right. It feels good to have this. But I hate that it took all of this to get us here.”
June shrugs. “It’s not exactly a fairytale?—"
I laugh hard. “Uh, no. No, it’s not.”
“But if I get you at the end of the day, then I’ll take it.”
I derisively tell her, “You say that like I’m some kind of prize?—"
“Baby, you are. Haven’t I made that clear yet?” She looks in my eyes and crawls on top of me. “You are a prize. And I won you, and I’m not letting you go.”
“Well, then …” I pull her to my lap while kicking the blanket out from between us. I need her on me. “Claim your prize.”
Her lips skate over mine, and all that other stuff feels insignificant. A kiss from June makes everything better. Even me.
