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“Hey, um. There’s something I’d like to do today—you’re welcome to come but you don’t have to—but I’d sort of like to go now, if you’re cool with it,” Cruz babbles as we clean up the breakfast dishes that were forgotten once Tommy declared he wasn’t going to wait any longer to open presents.
I’m not sure what happened between presents and dishes, but the guy standing next to me isn’t full of the holiday spirit he woke up with, and that kind of has me freaking out.
“Whatever this is, you aren’t exactly selling me on it.” I pass him a casserole dish to dry and reach for the frying pan, hoping if I hold firm in my Scrooge role he’ll go back to his chipper one.
“Yeah. Right. So.” He scrunches his eyes shut for a beat before sighing heavily. “It’s coming up on a year since Xavier’s accident, and I haven’t been home in months, so I… Except you…” He sets the dish down to rub his temples.
“You want to visit him,” I say.
His head dips slightly as he sighs. “I know it’s not the most cheerful thing to do on a holiday.”
“Hey, I get it. If I was in Arizona, I’d be going to see my sister.”
He nods again, then brings his wary blue eyes to mine. “I have to do this, but you don’t need to go.”
Depressed Cruz is giving me the impression I do, and like hell I’m going to leave him hanging. He’d never do that to me. “Weren’t you the one making a big deal about not being alone on Christmas?”
“That’s different.”
I hand him the pan and shut off the water, then reach for another towel to dry my hands. “I’m not seeing the distinction.”
He wants to protest, to give me an out, but he doesn’t want to go by himself. It’s written all over his conflicted face, which makes me want to kiss his confusion away. Instead, I hang up the dish towel and head toward the stairs. “Let me just grab my keys. I’ll meet you at the car.”
It takes me a few minutes to find them, buried in the pocket of the pants I wore here, which are crumpled on the ground from when Cruz stripped me out of them the first night.
That was…interesting.
Silent blow jobs have been a fun experiment, but I’m eager to get back to vocalizing my pleasure. And maybe trying something that requires lube. After I help my boyfriend—yeah, I said it—get through what’s sure to be a rough afternoon.
Cruz is waiting by the passenger door when I step outside. And given how he’s bouncing on his toes, he’s either doing the pee dance or he’s even more nervous than I first realized. Been there.
“This isn’t the first time you’ve been to visit Xavier, is it?” I ask as I pull out of the driveway.
He shakes his head and points at the intersection. “Left here. It’s the first time since I realized I’m gay ACE. Or demi. Or…had someone I like.”
“Is that what’s making you so jittery?” I turn where he guides me with his finger.
“I never told you about the last time I saw him, did I? What we fought about?”
“No, you only mentioned the fight, and that the last thing you said to him was spiteful.”
Cruz nods silently and gestures for me to make another turn. “Xavier started dating this girl, Piper.” He traps his lips between his teeth for a few breaths before continuing. “Almost right away things changed. Instead of hanging out with me he’d hang out with her. It hurt, especially since I couldn't relate to the attraction part of their relationship, but I tried not to make an issue of it.”
I nod as I turn into the cemetery, winding down the road as he continues.
“Xavier was still playing ball, and he signed the letter of intent to go to Colorado just like we’d always planned, so I figured the thing with Piper was a phase. Or at the very least, something that would run its course when we left for college. Park here.”
I pull next to the curb Cruz points at. “You didn’t like her?”
“I didn’t know her. I tried, but she always wanted it to be just the two of them.”
“That’s rough.”
Cruz nods absently. “Anyhow, the last time I saw him was when Xavier told me he wasn’t going to go to Colorado, so he could go to Kansas with her, and I implied that he was throwing away his future and living her life, not his.”
“I can see why you’d think that,” I say, and honestly, I can. When a person changes course after years of pursuing one goal… It’s only natural to wonder if they’re making the right decision. Which means, I’m a significant wrench in Cruz’s plans to pursue the NFL dreams he’s always had. I need to remember that while he sorts through his feelings about me and coming out.
“That’s his last memory of me,” Cruz says softly. “Insulting his decision.”
