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“No, Dad. I’m studying medicine, so I can be part of finding a cure for cancer. Maybe one day, I can spare another kid from having to fend for himself because his parents were too broken to remember he even existed. And maybe that kid won’t have to suffer the bullying and prejudice and discrimination for being gay on his own.” My voice cracks a little as I finish, my face already wet from the tears streaming down it, which Cruz wipes away with the hand not being strangled in my death grip.
“I have a family here, Dad.” I sniff. “A boyfriend who loves me, friends that support me. And I’m studying the subject I want to make a career out of. So, I’m staying. I just wanted to let you know.”
There’s a lengthy silence before he responds in the same clinical voice he’s been using ever since Liz died. “Relationships are no reason to attend a subpar school when you could attend one of the best. You should be focused on your studies, anyway.”
My heart sinks into my stomach. I really thought I had a shot at convincing him when he didn’t lose his shit right from the start.
“I am focused on my studies. But I’ll be studying here, not Cornell. I hope one day you’ll remember what it’s like to have a family and understand why I’m making this decision. I love you.” I hang up before he can respond, knowing he’s not ready to say what I want to hear. That he may never be.
Part of me wants to scream and sob uncontrollably, but a larger part of me doesn’t have the energy. All I can do is wrap my arms around Cruz and hold on tight.
“I’m so proud of you, Sunshine.” He returns the embrace. “You left him an opening to talk again if he’s ever ready, and if he’s not, you didn’t say anything you might regret one day.”
“I guess.” My eyes drift shut as Cruz rubs soothing circles over my back. “I’m not sure which is worse, my mom being oblivious because she’s drugged or my dad being oblivious by choice.”
“He didn’t sound oblivious to me, he sounded clinical. Almost like he’s fighting being close with people so he doesn’t get hurt again. It's like he's trying to insulate you from the same thing by suggesting relationships shouldn’t factor into your decision.”
“I could’ve ended up like him,” I whisper. “I was headed that direction, keeping everyone at arm’s length because I was afraid to fully trust them. Even though I didn’t want to be alone like that, I didn’t know how to let anyone get close.”
“You let me get close.” He kisses my forehead.
“You didn’t give me a choice. When you aren’t playing hero, you’re like a happy puppy that won’t settle down until you get your way. My face actually hurts from smiling sometimes, which I think is your diabolical plan.”
“Smiling is diabolical?”
“Getting me to smile is diabolical. It ruins my whole brooding vibe.”
“Why do you want a brooding vibe?”
“Everyone loves a bad boy, duh.”
His chest shakes from a slight chuckle. “That’s not a thing.”
“Says the guy whose boyfriend was once accused of trying to unalive someone with his menacing scowl. Admit it, that’s what reeled you in.”
“Dammit,” he mutters. “I guess I do get a little thrill out of being the guy who can make you smile.”
Fuck, that’s sweet. “Well, if that’s why you do it, I guess it’s not so bad.”
“Why’d you think I do it?”
“To keep me for yourself. If I put out happy vibes instead of brooding ones, I lose my sex appeal and if I have no sex appeal you don’t have to worry about anyone trying to steal me.”
“Hmm,” he grunts. “Well, since you’re literally the only person on the planet I want to have sex with, I suppose you have a point about this appeal thing. I’ll have to turn you into a happy fucker so no one else wants you.”
That has me smiling like a loon, even though he can’t see it, and despite the fact this day didn’t go exactly the way I wanted it to, I’m happy.
“Cruz?”
“Yeah?”
“Thank you for helping me remember who I want to be.”
“Thank you for helping me find out who I am. I love you, Liam.”
Cruz brings my face to his for a tender kiss, and for the first time in years, my heart doesn’t feel like it might shatter from a strong gust of wind. “I love you too.” I kiss him back.
Epilogue
