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A part of me takes comfort in that. If one of the other families got hold of me, or if that bastard Paul finds his way back to me, none of them would have a head when he’s done.
That’s the dark side of my thoughts, though. The part I have to run far away from for the sake of the baby growing inside me. I can’t live like this. I’ll say it to myself a thousand times because it’s right.
The car smells brand new. It’s suspicious, like he’s covering up blood somewhere in here. The idea makes my skin crawl. A familiar image of Marco’s lifeless body comes back to haunt me. The expression of terror frozen on his pale face lives in my head.
I wonder what Donny said to him before the lights went out. Did he just grunt as he stabbed, like the beast he is? Or did he curse him for taking what belonged to his family?
I punch the steering wheel again, this time because of the hold he has over me. Because I love him.
He brought me back to my father, when I never thought I could look him in the eye again. He did the heavy lifting for me. It must’ve been impossible to win him over.
A soothing coolness flows through my veins, like morphine. I think of his huge arms around me, and how I never felt so safe in my life.
My brother always made me uneasy. Boyfriends were always distant after they got what they wanted. But Donny? He’s the real deal. Even if our first date was in bloody shackles, he’s still the best man I’ve ever known.
I ease off the gas a bit to a manageable speed. The last thing I need is to get pulled over.
I drive for a few hours, checking my rearview mirror to see if any of Donny’s ghosts are tailing me. They’re probably so good I’d never see them. But I know he’s there, watching.
Once I calm, the GPS takes me to the site I’ve been aching to visit for over a year. Back then I was scared my brother had men watching. Now I realize it was just paranoia. Marty didn’t give a shit about me ever since we were teenagers. I was just a nuisance to him… someone that had to stay alive otherwise Daddy’s men would all turn on him.
He made me feel like nothing, and Donny makes me feel like everything.
I take a deep breath and exit the car. It’s beautiful out. A warm day with the sun peeking through clouds, and tombstones all around me.
My heart breaks to walk the same path I have so many times next to my father. When my mom passed from cancer, I was only sixteen – two days after my birthday. It sucked all the fun out of being a kid. But I found comfort here, talking to her, even if there’s nothing after this dark life.
Her gravestone stands proud amidst the other lines of cement-grey. Brushing my fingers across the words, I internalize them again:
Alessandra Rigiano
Loving Mother and the Best Wife in the World
My dad had that engraved, and it makes me cry every time I see it. Now it makes me think of how Donny treats me. He loves me like my dad loved my mom. No… He loves me more. My dad always treated my mom like a servant more than anything. But maybe that was just a product of the times.
There I go again, justifying this fucking mafia bubble.
My brow furrows when I notice flowers behind the tombstone. They’re old and wilting. Weren’t groundskeepers supposed to keep these things clean and refreshed?
What the hell?
There’s a rock with a paper under it.
It’s heavy when I try to lift it, but I’m able to squeeze the folded paper out without ripping it.
Marty actually came to visit her? I ask myself while unfolding the note.
My jaw drops when I recognize the handwriting.
Donny…
Dear Mrs. Rigiano,
I know your family has hated mine for a very long time, dating back to the old days before I was even born. I’m sure my father and my grandfather are mostly to blame for that. But I’m here to try and set us Valentinos back on the right path.
I’ve been visiting your husband every day that I’m able. I give him time to cool off after each visit, knowing how bad he wants to put a hole in my head. At least that’s how it was in the earlier visits. Things are starting to look up now. He’s a good man, I can tell. Especially because he raised such a beautiful daughter.
Listen, Mrs. Rigiano, wherever you are in heaven. I know you saw my horrible acts when I was a soldier for my father. I take responsibility for my actions. But those days are over. I intend to use my dark skills for something noble now… to protect your daughter… because I love her.
