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“Wait.” She pulls away and drops her hands to push against my chest.
I stop immediately and raise my hands in the air as I back off. “Oh god, I took it too far again. I’m sorry. So fucking sorry.”
Chapter 17
Shayla
“Oh no, James. It’s me who should be sorry. I’m messing this all up.” I pace the living room, upset with myself for upsetting him when he’s done absolutely nothing wrong. A huge part of me wants to go to him, wrap my arms around him again, and just give in to my desires. He clearly wants me, and god knows how much I want him too, but…
Poor James looks so lost, and it’s all my fault. I force myself to stop pacing and turn to face him, keeping several feet of distance between us.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I freaked out this morning and just now. What we’re doing is—it’s just too dangerous. I can’t risk it.”
“Dangerous? What…?”
It all comes pouring out, all of my fears. “What I was trying to say earlier is…is that I’m a single mom at eighteen, and I’m still in high school. Even with a ton of support from my family, it’s still hard balancing taking care of Lainey, studying and going to school, and babysitting, too. Which—don’t get me wrong—I love to do. You know I do. But it’s still hard. And, again, that’s with a ton of support. But I want to go to college after I graduate, and I don’t know how I’d be able to do that on top of taking care of another baby if we keep doing what we’re doing. I just can’t risk it.”
He tilts his head with confusion and runs his hand through his hair. “Another baby? You mean Grayson?”
“No. I mean, yes, him too if…” I get choked up, a few tears trailing down my face. Hormones alone don’t fully account for why I feel so possessive and protective over him, as if Grayson were my own. I have to push those thoughts away for now so I can focus. “What I mean is we had sex this morning without a condom, and even those aren’t one-hundred-percent effective. What we’ve been doing is so, so dangerous.”
His eyes widen with dawning realization. He finally gets it. “Oh shit, Shayla. I’m sorry. I don’t have any condoms. Didn’t even think about it or what would happen if…”
“I didn’t either. Not in the moment when it felt so good. So freaking good.” I groan at the memory of just how incredible it felt to have him push his cock inside me after giving me a mind-blowing orgasm. I want to feel every inch of him pushing in again, but…“But then we were interrupted, and I swear my heart stopped beating when I realized what we’d done. I can’t let myself get lost in you like that again, no matter how good it feels. And I know I’m the one who started it, who keeps starting it, and that’s not fair to you, but I need to take a step back from whatever this is between us. Not because I want to, but because I have to.”
There, I said it. Got it all out. And now we’re both crying.
James closes the distance between us and wipes the tears from my cheeks with his thumbs. The way he’s looking at me with so much concern and understanding makes me want to forget everything I just told him and throw myself at him. But I won’t. I can’t.
“If that’s what you need, angel, then I’ll respect your decision.” His voice is barely a whisper, and there’s a quiver to it.
More tears spill down my cheeks as my lips tremble, my heart cracking open, and I let myself embrace this moment with him, knowing I’ll have to break it soon. I drop my forehead to his chest so I can inhale the scent of him, feel the warmth of him just for a little bit, though I force my hands to stay by my sides so I won’t grab onto him and refuse to let go.
But then he kisses the crown of my head and pulls me in for a hug, and I have to touch him, at least a little. Have to wrap my arms around his middle and slide my hands under his shirt to feel his bare skin, the solidity of him pressed against my body.
My blood starts to heat when his half-hard cock twitches and swells against my belly, and I want so much more. Want to slip my hand between us and palm his erection, pump my fist up and down his thick shaft.
I didn’t put my leggings back on when I followed him out of the bedroom, and I’m all too aware that I’m only wearing my tank top and panties, the gusset of which is wet with arousal. I want nothing more than to have him pull my panties off and pleasure me like he did this morning, to let myself get lost in him again.
Through sheer willpower alone, I force myself to push against his hold and take a few steps back. He sighs and drops his hands, and I feel like crap all over again. Hot and cold. Hot and cold. That’s me.
“I should leave,” I whisper miserably.
He shakes his head, fisting his hands at his sides. “Stay. Please. I’ll keep my hands to myself and help you study.”
It’s so tempting. Everything about James is so tempting. Dangerous.
He tries again when I waffle with my decision. “I set aside a plate for you at dinner. I’ll reheat it so you can eat, then help you study. Deal?” He sounds so hopeful, and I really don’t want to go back home, even though I know I should.
I bite my lip, my inner desire warring with what I know is the right thing to do. After a long pause, I make a compromise. “One hour, and then I really do need to go home.”
He blows out what sounds like a breath of relief and smiles for the first time since I woke up. As promised, he keeps his hands firmly to himself, though he catches himself a few times when his hand starts to drift across the couch toward my knee while he fires off questions to help prepare me for my history test. If I hadn’t put my leggings back on before we settled on the couch to study, I might be tempted to spread my legs, let him run his hands over my bare skin, and work those long fingers under the elastic band of my panties.
Ugh, I’ve got to stop thinking like this.
I end up staying two hours, dragging out our time together, but when he yawns, I close my textbook and stuff it in my backpack.
James lingers in the doorway after he walks Lainey and me across the street, and I can tell he’s struggling to pull himself away.
