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My chest aches as I choke on all of my insecurities and spiraling thoughts. I hold Grayson just a little closer. Legally, Grayson’s not mine, no matter how much I want him to be, so if James decides to end things between us after tonight, to take back every word he’s said to me about the babies being ours, then I’ll lose Grayson.
I try to muffle the sound of my heartbreak with my hand over my mouth now that Grayson has fallen back to sleep. All I can think about as I look from him to Lainey sleeping so peacefully in the new jammies James bought her is that all this could be so easily stripped away, and there’s nothing I could do to stop it.
I look up when the nursery door opens and closes behind James. His brows are pinched together, and his jaw is still clenched tight. I hate it.
“I’m sorry I cursed at her,” I say between sobs.
His face falls, and he drops to his knees beside the rocking chair. He cups my face and wipes my tears away with his thumbs, kisses each cheek, then gently on my lips. I suck in a breath, inhaling his, hope blossoming that this isn’t the end of us.
“You have absolutely nothing to be sorry for, angel.”
Hearing him call me that has more tears spilling down my cheeks. “When you call me ‘angel’, it’s not just a pet name, is it?”
He sighs heavily, and I have to look away as my hope plummets to the ground. How can one night, one woman, ruin everything so fast? I feel every bit as dumb as Mara accused me of being.
Chapter 23
Shayla
I stare at my lap when James stands, takes Grayson from my arms, though I’m reluctant to let him go, and lays him down in his crib. James stands before me like a pillar, and I still can’t face him. I don’t want to move, not if this is going to be my last time in the nursery.
I’m not at all prepared for him to pull me up and into his arms in a fierce hug. “I’m so sorry, angel,” he whispers with a broken voice in my ear. “So fucking sorry for the way Mara spoke to you. It’s not a pet name. You are my angel. And if I knew what an asshole she was, that she would talk to you that way, I never would have been friends with her.”
“What she said about me…you don’t think I’m dumb or—”
He twists us and sits in the rocking chair, pulling me sideways onto his lap. He tips my chin so he can look me directly in the eye. “It was all bullshit. Every last bit of it was nothing but bullshit. I’m so damn sorry that I froze in shock and didn’t shut her down immediately like I should have. I hate that I let her get one ugly word out of her mouth. I hate myself for it, and I wouldn’t blame you if you hate me, too, though I hope you can forgive me.”
The dim light the whale nightlight provides is just enough to see the sincerity in his eyes and the way he looks like he’s on the verge of tears himself. That sincerity bleeds from every part of him, and I soak it in, using it to wash away the insidious insecurities I had let Mara’s words build up inside me.
“I was scared you thought she was right. That maybe you were embarrassed about me and wouldn’t want me anymore. You’d want someone like her, who’s older and can give you so much more than I can,” I admit in a barely audible whisper.
With his fingertips under my chin, he tilts my head so we’re eye to eye. “Believe me when I say that you, Grayson, and Angelainey are all I’ll ever want or need—my whole world. No one else could give me you,” he says, almost reverently, and pulls me down to meet his lips.
I kiss him with all that I am, silently echoing his sentiments. I try to adjust my position as the kiss heats up so I can straddle him and get more comfortable, but the rocking chair is too narrow. The sound of a bottle falling on the table or the floor in the kitchen reaches us through the door, and I snap out of this tender moment.
“Is she…?”
“Gone and never welcome back. Not here, and not at Isaiah’s or Martin’s houses either. But the guys are still here because they want to make sure you’re ok. I can tell them to leave if you’d rather not talk to them.”
“No,” I say a little too loudly and lower my voice. “No, you don’t have to do that. I already screwed up your night enough as it is.”
“You haven’t done a damn thing wrong, angel. What Isaiah said is true. This has been the best game night we’ve ever had until Mara went and ruined it with her bitter bullshit.” He sighs and pinches his brow. “I just don’t get why she acted like such a shithead toward you. I’ve never seen that side of her.”
“She’s in love with you, you know. Or at least, in lust.”
He curls his lip in disgust, which makes me giggle. “She is not.”
“Yes, she is. That’s why she kept touching your arm, which, by the way, I wanted to rip off of her and beat her with it.” I feel my cheeks heat at the confession, and he chuckles.
“So that’s what that was. Honestly, I thought she was just a little drunk or something and couldn’t keep her balance.”
“No, you did not!” I whisper-shout, managing to keep my voice low enough not to wake the babies.
“Swear to god, I did.”
“So it’s all one-sided? You’re not attracted to her or anything like that?”
He rubs his hands up and down my sides, kisses my jaw, and whispers in my ear, “No. She’s not my type.”
