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I nod. “I’m okay, but, Matty, I should leave,” my voice cracks as I choke out the words. “You shouldn’t have to deal with all of this. You deserve better than a used up broken whore.”
Hot tears course down my face. He swipes them away with his thumbs, not letting go of his gentle hold. “You’re not going anywhere, sweetheart. I told you, you’re mine, and I protect what is mine. There’s no cost too great and no length I won’t go to to keep you protected.”
He lets out a possessive growl before kissing me deeply. I feel like I’m floating as I return his kiss. He’s not disgusted by me. He’s not sending me away. I sink into his hold, never wanting to leave his embrace. I push aside all thoughts of leaving and put my trust into Matthew and his confidence.
“Mine.”
I smile shyly at him. “Yours.”
“Damn straight.”
His mouth descends on mine again, before his lips touch mine, Slade strides into the room that dreaded envelope in his hands. Matthew pulls back, and the hard man that faced off against Damon is back. “Did you find him?”
“I got the information. Idiot wasn’t hard to trace.” Slade turns his black eyes to me. I expect to see pity in them, but instead, he looks haunted. “You want me to take care of it?”
Matthew pulls me even tighter against his body. “No, Daniels will run point on this one.” I get the feeling that there is a reason for why he wants Kisten doing whatever it is they are talking about instead of Slade. I just wish I understood why. There’s so much about these men that I don’t yet understand. They’ve taken me in and offered to lay down their lives for me without knowing what they are up against. It’s humbling. “I don’t want you leaving her side for anything. I need to handle some things. Take Rose and Hannah home.”
Slade hands the envelope to Matthew, and I flinch away from it as if it’s a snake. All three of the men have deadly looks on their faces at my reaction. Matthew gives Kisten a pointed look and he nods in acknowledgment. I wish I could read minds because something momentous just happened, but I’m not sure what.
Kisten presses a brotherly kiss to the top of my head before silently leaving the room, off to do whatever it is he does. The fact that Matthew doesn’t growl and go all possessive speaks volumes for how much he trusts Kisten.
“Come on, Rose, let’s get you home,” Slade says, reaching out to take my hand. Matthew holds me a beat longer then releases me into Slade’s care.
Hannah is standing just outside in the hallway. As soon as I’m within arm’s length, she pulls me away from Slade and into a tight hug. I’ve never enjoyed casual affection, especially the physical kind, but something about these people has changed me. I soak up every touch like I’ve been starved for it my whole life. When she pulls away, she doesn’t let go. She threads her fingers through mine and gives me a comforting squeeze. She keeps ahold of me until we are safely back at Matthew’s penthouse, only letting me go to get in and out of the car.
“I’m going to order dinner. Anything sound good?” Slade asks. The mundane question feels weird. I can’t help wondering why he’s acting like this is just a typical day. Like my life isn’t in jeopardy. Like I haven’t brought all kinds of trouble to his doorstep. He must sense my questions because he gives me an affectionate look. “Don’t worry, Rose. Everything is going to work out. Now, what would you like to eat?”
I think about it for a minute, but nothing sounds good. My stomach is still in knots even though I feel safer than I ever have before, the anxiety still has its claws dug in deep.
“Whatever you two want is fine with me. I’m not very hungry.”
Slade furrows his brow, and I get the feeling he wants to argue, but Hannah jumps in with some suggestions. Between the two of them, they decide on Italian. An hour later, a steaming plate of lasagna is in front of me. I pick up a breadstick and groan as the rich butter and garlic flavors explode on my tongue. It’s probably the best thing I’ve ever eaten in my life.
I laugh at myself. It’s the same thought I’ve had with just about every meal I’ve eaten since Matthew saved me. I forgot the simple pleasure of good food. Hannah looks longingly at Slade’s chicken parmesan, without a word, he cuts off a piece and feeds it to her. She lets out her own little groan of pleasure. Slade watches her with a different kind of hunger, but he locks his reaction to her down before she opens her eyes.
My mind drifts to how intimate it felt to have Matthew feed me. It’s hard to believe that was just last night. It feels like I’ve lived a million lifetimes since then. In less than twenty-four hours, so much has happened. I remembered Matthew. I’ve enjoyed pleasure at his hands without anxiety or fear. I met friends and had my first ever shopping spree as indifferent as I was to it at first, it truly was fun to just be a normal twenty-five-year-old. Then my world was turned upside down all over again. My past careening into my present like a runaway freight train.
Despite Hannah and Slade doing their best to keep the conversation upbeat, melancholy sets in and I excuse myself. I escape to Matthew’s bedroom. After I brush my teeth and change into one of Matthew’s t-shirts I crawl into bed and hunker down under the covers. I hug Matthew’s pillow to my chest and fall into a fitful sleep.
* * *
“Slut, you know you want this cock. Stop fucking fighting me.” His hand smacks down on my bottom, jolting me forward on my knees hard enough that my head bangs into the headboard. He lets out a cackling laugh and does it again. He spanks me over and over until my butt feels like it’s on fire.
Without warning, he grips my hips and violently shoves himself into my dry vagina. He doesn’t stop. I scream with each pounding stroke as he tears through my body. I try to fight the urge to fight, fighting only excites him. I learned long ago not to beg. They want me to beg. The relish in my pleas for mercy. Holding that back is one tiny little rebellion I still have.
He moves harder and faster until my sobs are muffled by the sick sounds of flesh on flesh. I do my best to relax. To not fight, but I can’t help it. The fear turns into an instinctual need to flee. To escape. He laughs as I struggle against him, completely lost to fear and instinct.
For this man, I am a fantasy come true. He paid for my body and fear.
To me, this man is my nightmare. My rapist. Only one of many. This is my life.
Somewhere along the way, I lose myself to the darkness inside me. It curls itself around me in a protective shell and holds me close while the client uses my body however he wishes. I still know what’s happening. I can still feel the burning tear of every thrust, but in the darkness it’s apart from me.
In the darkness, I’m safe inside my own mind, separate from my body. Cocooned inside my own piece of insanity. One day, I’m going to break from reality and not come back from this place. I know it’s going to happen, and yet I still seek out the darkness to carry me away.
This client is a regular of mine. He recognizes the moment I retreat into the safety of my mind.
He always knows.
