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“It’s definitely not,” I agreed.
“Makes life easier though.”
“It definitely does.” I smiled. “Money gives you choices. Freedom. Time.”
“Was it Knox’s money that turned your head?”
“Yes, but no…but yes?”
“What the hell does that mean?”
I laughed at his confusion. “I didn’t grow up wealthy, but I also didn’t want for anything. I had new clothes for school. We took family vacations. Knox…he threw his money around like it was a tool to be used. He didn’t hold tight to it, and if he saw that I wanted something, he’d get it for me. What I didn’t realize until much later was that he was using money as a form of control. Not that he wouldn’t give it to me, but it was like a power stance. I could’ve had anything I wanted, but I had to be with him. I’m not explaining it well, am I?”
“I see what you mean.”
“He bought me a car. And it was my car. He never drove it. He never rescinded my use of it when he was pissed. But there were these moments…when we’d fight. All of a sudden it was his house. His money had bought it. His career had allowed him the money to buy the cars. You know? Like he was generous with his money, but there were strings. He was never the type of man to be generous for the sake of generosity or love.”
“Strings.” He nodded.
“Strings. I was tangled up in them. I didn’t see it right away. And then suddenly I was living this life, wearing these clothes, going to the salon every four weeks just to look the way he wanted me to look. I woke up one day and I wasn’t me.”
“The bastard preferred it straight, didn’t he?”
I nodded.
“God, I love your hair,” Smoke said, his voice lowering. “The first time I saw it, all wild and wavy…fuck, Logan, I couldn’t even think.”
I smiled shyly. “It’s been so long since I’ve been able to decide what I want. From my clothes to my hair, to my decor. The car I drive. Everything.” I shook my head, my eyes staring off into the past. “I lost myself for a long time. Now I get to find myself again.”
The conversation was straying too far into the deep end and I wanted nothing more than to wade back to shallow water.
I walked to Smoke and placed my hand on his bare chest, feeling his muscles jump beneath my touch.
He settled his hand over mine and slowly backed me up to the bedroom. I flopped onto the bed and Smoke covered me with his body.
And when his lips met mine, I ceased to think at all.
Chapter 29
“Logan,” Smoke whispered.
“Hmm?”
“I gotta go.”
I snuggled closer. “Mkay.”
He laughed softly. “It’s three in the morning.”
“Five more minutes.” I lifted my leg and angled it across his thigh so he couldn’t move.
“If you do that, I’m gonna fall back asleep, and then there’s a chance I’ll miss my window to leave.”
Yawning, I reluctantly rolled off him and made a move to climb out of bed.
“Don’t get up,” he said, brushing his lips against my shoulder. “Go back to sleep.”
“Hmm. Okay.”
