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“See, that didn’t hurt, did it?” My eyebrows jump, and I lick my lips as I grip his cock with my other hand. He’s hard as fucking granite, and my pussy is drenched, ready for him.

“Will I get to use that on you?” he asks.

“We’ll see; maybe if you’re a good boy for me.” I scoot back. Leaning down, I kiss his tip, then lick his shaft. “Now be a good fuck toy and lie still while I go for a ride.” I lift my body onto his erect cock, sliding him into me slowly. “Fuck, D,” I moan, tossing my head back and forth.

Sitting on him, I tell myself this is for me, not Decklan. My therapist says to let go of my anger so I can learn to trust D again. How the fuck am I supposed to do that? Let go? Forget? Forgive? Maybe in time, but not right now. Right now, I’m making my cheating fucker of a husband pay the price. I’m going to ride him hard, then stop just before he’s ready to come. I’ll feel his dick throb when he’s close. He’s not fucking coming inside of me tonight.

His knees pull up behind me, pressing against my back as I bounce on him. My head whips wildly as I ride my husband for what seems like forever. His cock throbs inside my pussy. His body jerks hard, and he cries out. “Goddammit, Julia.”

I fall forward, splaying my hands on his glistening chest. My breath is fast and furious, but I haven’t been able to come. I don’t know if I want to come for him. He still hasn’t earned it. I want him to hurt, emotionally, like I did, like I still do. Fucking therapy didn’t do much good. All it did was make him want to take care of me. I want him to fucking want me, like a husband is supposed to want his wife. He says I’m his queen, but he’s lying. He says that to make me feel good. Well, fuck him!

I dig my nails into his pecs as I meet his gaze and slow my pace. “Don’t come yet, D.”

He grimaces, then turns his face from me.

“No.” I bounce faster. “Look at me. Listen to me.” I take my hand and turn his face toward me.

“What the fuck, Juls?” He tries to touch me, but the restraints catch him. “Fuck. Let me loose,” he pouts.

I lift my body off his cock, then slide from him and get off the bed. Deciding to take care of myself, I walk over to the chair he sat in. Reaching for the long black vibrator lying on the side table, I say, “You’re going to watch me fuck myself. Watch my pussy come for this vibrator, instead of for you. Watch me, D.” I twirl it around, then push the start button. Placing it on my clit, I moan and lay my head back against the back of the tall chair.

“Julia! Stop. I can’t watch you come. I’ll come.” His shaft throbs.

“No, Deck. Don’t come unless you’re inside me and only when I say you can. Eyes on me!” I demand.

“No, stop.” He closes his eyes and turns his face away from me.

“D!” I yell. “Watch me.”

“Pink, pink, pink.” He sighs. “Julia, baby.” He tries to reach for me again. “Fuck, please take these off me.”

Huffing out a breath over him using his safe word, I walk to the top of the bed and release him.

He rubs his wrists and sits upright. “Thank you.”

“I think we should go home.” I grab my dress and slip it over my head. Picking up his clothes from the floor, I toss them onto the bed for him.

“Julia,” he whispers. “I’m sorry. I love you, but I…”

“But what, Decklan?”

“Nothing, Julia.” His head falls to his chest, and he sighs.

I can’t even be in control of a night I planned for us. Decklan yelling out his safe word took all the control from me. I’m not mad about that. He did what he was supposed to do if he wanted me to stop.

I’m mad because he ruined my plans of trying to work through my broken heart. My insecurities of being a failed wife. I wanted us to reconnect sexually tonight. Romantically. I hoped by coming to the club, changing it up so drastically, that he’d see I changed. I’m not the same Julia he cheated on. I want more for me, more for us.

There’s something going on with D that he isn’t telling me. If he’s cheating again and I find out, I’m done. Just fucking done. I don’t care that we share a successful business. I’ll take it all from him and hurt him as much as he hurts me.

It’s been three months since our night at Club Wonderland. I had this crazy idea that one night of something completely different, something we’ve never done together, would magically fix our strained marriage.

During our counseling session last night, I admitted that I still love Decklan, but I didn’t think I was in love with him anymore. The counselor immediately stopped me and told me that my statement was an ‘easy out.’ That stung.

I choked back the defiant anger boiling inside me that wanted to lash out at our counselor and decided to ask her why she said that.

She explained that love is a verb, and there are specific things we can do to, and for one another to show our love. We need to begin doing these things again if we truly want to save our marriage. She also gave us a task to do at least twice a week. She called it ‘Undisturbed Listening.’ We set a timer for up to five minutes, and we let each other talk. While one talks, the other is to listen intently. Observe their body language and give them silent encouragement with meaningful looks. I never thought any of that would work, but I’m willing to try.

At home, we begin our homework. We sit across from one another, turn off our phones and pay complete attention to each other.

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