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Decklan asks to go first, so I turn the egg timer to five minutes and sit back in my chair.
“Julia, I know I failed you. Not once, but twice. I don’t have a good explanation other than, I was a weak man.” He stops and scratches his face.
I tilt my head to the side and give him a small smile.
“It wasn’t that I didn’t love you. Or that I wasn’t attracted to you. No. I don’t have any other excuse except for being weak.” He stops again and moves to the edge of his chair. “Julia, I’ll do whatever you want. If you need time away from me, take it. If you need to cheat on me—”
I raise my arm, knowing it’s not my turn, but I need to stop him. “Deck, I don’t want to cheat on our marriage.” I stop and sit forward.
“Juls. I wouldn’t blame you if you did.” He takes my hand and holds it between his. “If you need one night; two nights to be with someone else. Take them. I know this isn’t how the marriage counselor told us to fix our marriage. I know you still don’t trust me. That was obvious to me after the night at Club Wonderland.” He tugs gently on my arm, and I meet his gaze. “I’ll earn your trust back one day, baby. I will.” His green eyes are glassy as he stares deeply into mine.
My mouth falls open hearing Decklan give me permission to cheat on him. I’d never ask for permission. I’d just go, after all that’s what he did. But I’m not weak.
I clear my throat and say, “If I wanted to revenge cheat on you, I would’ve done so months ago. You’re right. I don’t trust you. Will I ever? I can’t answer that today or tomorrow. You have to earn my trust, D. Only you can do that.”
He stands and pulls me with him. His arms embrace me, holding me tightly against him for several minutes. Cupping my cheeks with his soft hands, our eyes meet again and he says, “I will, Julia. You’ll see.”
After our minor breakthrough two nights ago, Decklan’s been trying harder to win my trust back. He sends sweet texts and asks me how my day is if I don’t go into the office. He brings me flowers every day.
I remind him this is going to take time. It’s not going to happen quickly. He needs to be honest with me all the time. Don’t give me any reason to suspect him of anything.
At dinner, his cell phone dings. He glances at it, then turns it face down.
I ask, “Who was that?”
Without making eye contact, he shrugs and says, “No one.”
I shake my head and say, “Decklan, this isn’t how you win my trust.”
He pushes back from the table and huffs out, “I said it was no one, Julia.” He pulls out his phone and wakes it. Showing me, he says, “See.”
The phone screen reads, ‘Unknown.’
A part of me felt bad for thinking the text was from some woman, but I still have my doubts about him.
I bite the inside of my cheek and say, “Okay.”
He leaves me sitting at the table as he walks out of the dining room.
In the morning, I decide to go into the office. I need to double check our clients’ firewalls and be sure everyone’s is stable and solid. Walking in the back door, I hear Decklan and Tim in the small kitchen area talking. I go straight to my office to begin my tasks.
I jump in my chair when Decklan startles me, saying, “Hey, Juls. What brings you in today?”
“I’m checking on our clients’ firewalls. No worries.” Not looking up, I keep my concentration on my laptop screen.
“I could’ve done that. You didn’t need to come in to do something me, or Tim can check.”
My brow furrows and my eyes narrow. “I wanted to be sure for myself, D. It never hurts to have all of us checking and double-checking things. Will you let me get back to this, please?”
“Yeah, sure.” He turns and leaves me.
I look at my watch and see it’s lunchtime, so I save my work and close my laptop. I don’t stop by D’s office. I need food and a strong cup of coffee to get through the afternoon.
Arriving back at the office after lunch, I walk to Decklan’s office before going to mine to finish up my work. His door is closed, and when I try to turn the knob, it’s locked. I rap hard and say, “Decklan.”
“Julia?” comes from inside his office.
“Ah, yeah, why is your door locked?” I stand with my hands on my hips, blood rising up my neck.
