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“Why?” She cocks her head.
“For the same reason we’re standing here instead of sitting on a private jet. Things like love and lust aren’t always choices. They’re emotions. But commitment is one hundred percent a choice.”
Scottie does her headshake to brush her bangs away from her eyes. “Yet, when we were standing in the bedroom minutes before I committed myself to Koen, you offered me something.” Her eyes narrow. “And I don’t think it was a joke. Why now?”
I rub the back of my neck, staring at my brown leather dress shoes, perfectly polished for the occasion. “I don’t know if I can make my wife happyandbeat this cancer. She thinks I’m a miracle. And maybe I am. But I think it will take a lot more miracles for me to keep living.” Blowing out a long breath, I lift my gaze to Scottie. “I’m struggling with it. And I hate that it was easier tolive,in the most literal sense, when we weren’t together, but it was. She can’t see how desperate and vulnerable I feel. And I’m afraid to show her because I feel guilty for …”
“Having cancer? Doing what you felt you needed to survive?”
I nod slowly. “I feel so weak and … lost.”
Scottie fiddles with her wedding band. “If I would have said yes, would we be on that plane right now?”
It takes a few seconds for my thoughts to shift back to my “proposal.” I know the answer, but I don’t know if she’s ready for it. As soon as I doubt her ability to handle the truth, my conscience nudges me to wake up. She’s not Amelia. Scottie can handle the truth.
“Yes,” I whisper.
Tears well in her eyes despite her soft smile and shaky inhale. Lifting her dress again, she takes two steps toward me, and her free hand reaches for mine. “You don’t need me anymore. You don’tneedanyone to live. You said it yourself: commitment is a choice. If you must choose between your life and a life with Amelia, even if it’s shortened, there is no wrong choice.” She releases my hand, ghosting her fingers along my palm, gazing at our hands. “Whatever you decide, it will be the bravest decision you’ve ever made.”
No man has ever been luckier in love. The women I've loved—and will always love—have bestowed upon me everything beautiful and worthwhile in my life.
“We’d better get back,” I whisper.
“You go ahead. I need a minute.”
As I step past her, I press my hand to her stomach.
Her breath hitches.
“If it’s a boy, Price and Henry are great names.”
I take the next step before she can cover my hand with hers.
And the next.
And I keep going even if I don’t know where this will lead or how long I’ll be there.
CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE
A SACRED INTIMACY.
Scottie
My heart has never feltthis full.
Filled with love and hope—and a little bit of sadness.
Just before midnight, the last few guests (our parents) pull out of the driveway, leaving us alone for the first time in two days.
“Thank you,” Koen says.
After a final wave, I turn toward him, his suit jacket draped over my shoulders. “For what?”
“Marrying me.”
I take his hand and place it on my stomach. “Thank you for this life. Even if I’m a little terrified of losing it.”
“Or you could just be elated that by this time next year, we’ll be sleep-deprived and obsessed with our tiny human.”
