AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“I think he’s in Heaven. Or maybe he’s already been reincarnated. Do you believe in reincarnation?”
I chuckle. “I don’t know what to believe.” I tip my head back and close my eyes. I blame Price. His diagnosis changed me on every level. It shook me to my core. It made me question my faith, my blind trust in modern medicine, my need for control, and it challenged my biggest fear—death and losing the love of my life.
Price taught me to let go of that fear. He said, “There’s nothing easier than not existing.”
I no longer live with regret; it doesn’t serve me. But I struggled with my decisions for a long time. Why couldn’t I see what he needed after his first diagnosis?
I wanted him to compromise; he just wanted to live.
Why did my love turn into fear?
Why didn’t I trust his intuition to do what was best for him?
When he returned from Austin, why didn’t I embrace a new life with him instead of mourning and longing for the old one?
Price was right; I was killing him under the guise of love.
It was fear. A soul-crushing fear of losing control, of losing him. I made it about me and how I felt as his wife and the mother of our child.
The day I told Price it was okay to die, okay to let go, was the day I, too, let go of my mistakes and the regret they carried. I had to be whole inside for Astrid.
“It was a great hike, but my lazy girls refused to get out of bed.”
I smile, hearing his strong voice, yearning for the kiss I know he’s about to press to the top of my head.
The day I told Price it was okay to die was also the day everything changed. It was the day his body and mind decided it was time to live. I think he was waiting for me to let go.
Price’s favorite quote is from Lao Tzu: “The Master does nothing; yet he leaves nothing undone.”
When he kisses the top of my head, my skin tingles. Then he steps closer to the balcony's edge, drinking a glass of water and gazing at our view of Heaven.
“We should take Astrid to town today to distract her from Samuel. She’s missing him,” I say.
Price glances over his bare shoulder. His shorts are low on his waist, and his skin is a delicious bronze. “He’s not dead.”
Astrid sits up, folding her legs beneath her. “You don’t know that.”
“He’s camouflaged and high up in the trees.”
“Dad, I saw him every day for a week. And now he’s just gone. I bet it was a jaguar.” Astrid easily gets worked up over animals, and Samuel was (is) her unofficial pet sloth.
“He’s in the trees. He came down to mate; that’s why you saw him, but now he’s in the canopy again.” Price is good at arguing with her. He calls it “challenging” her.
“Daaaad, they mate in the trees.”
Price eyes me as if I’m the one who will confirm if she’s correct. I shrug. We know Astrid is smarter than us, especially about wildlife.
“Just say he’s dead, and you’re happy he’s in Heaven,” Astrid says, tipping up her defiant little chin.
Price rubs his lips together, no doubt trying to hide his grin. “You’re right. It probably was a jaguar.”
Astrid stands. “Was that so hard?” She pivots with an extra dose of attitude and heads down the stairs.
Price chuckles, reclining in her empty chair. “We’ve got a spicy one.”
I sip my juice before nodding. “That’s what we get for teaching her to question everything. Now she’s a know-it-all with an extra side of sass.”
Again, he chuckles. It’s a beautiful sound.
