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“Yes.”
I set my plate aside.
He shakes his head in regret. “I will never drink a drop of alcohol. I need you to know that. I was him. I was my dad. The fucking life of the party who had to be escorted out before I further embarrassed myself. And I’ll never go back.”
I resist the urge to hug him. Given the words exchanged upstairs earlier, this is a conversation we need to have.
“How did your drinking get out of control?”
His forehead wrinkles, but he doesn’t bring his gaze to mine. “I got too far into a relationship that wasn’t right, but I felt like a dick trying to get out of it, so I … coped.”
“Well,” I laugh despite nothing being funny, “I feel like we’re in a relationship. And it’s starting to feel serious.”
This brings his gaze to mine. “I won’t let it go too far unless I know it’s right.”
“What was wrong with the last one? If I can ask.”
His lips twist, gaze intensifying. “I thought love was enough, but then I realized she had a different view of married life.” He grunts a laugh, slowly shaking his head. “She didn’t want kids, and instead of walking away, I thought I could drink my way through it, and then I wouldn’t have to disappoint anyone. Turnsout, I disappointed everyone.” Finally, he looks at me. “Do you want kids?”
I shrug. “I don’tnotwant them. I haven’t needed to give it much thought.” That’s not entirely true. “In case you haven’t noticed, I’m not a planner or overachiever. I live in the moment.”
“I’m not asking you to have my babies; I’m just …” He eyes me as if expecting me to finish his thought.
I don’t finish it. There’s no need. Instead, I push off the counter and slide my arms around his waist, tucking my hands into his back pockets and squeezing his ass until he relinquishes a grin.
“I have an idea.”
He presses his lips to the top of my head. “Hmm?”
“Do you have a tent?”
“Of course.”
“Great. Let’s set it up in the backyard, open the top flap, and stare at the stars.”
Koen chuckles. “You want to stargaze with me?”
“I do.”
He eyes me with wonder, the good kind, where I can imagine great possibilities running amuck in his mind. And I know this because it’s how I look at him.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
IT’S ENLIGHTENING TO REALIZE THAT CONTROLLING NOTHING IS THE MOST EMPOWERING FEELING IN THE WORLD.
Price
Another day,another journal entry. I’ve been in Austin for almost two months.
Two months of watching Scottie fall in love with Koen.
Two months of befriending the man well on his way to having the life I gave up twelve years ago.
Two months of seeing that look of distrust in his eyes. When will he give me a break and settle into our bromance?
My pen taps on the paper. Is today a sketch or words?
Words. I have a lot of feelings today. But where do I begin?
