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I cry my fucking eyes out.
I laugh.
I welcome all the feelings, and they make me whole.
Whatever happens from this moment forward, I will be like Scottie. I will be light in every way. I want to be the person others feel drawn to in their darkest hour.
Again, I laugh. Scottie is right. When you know what everyone else is trying to figure out, you can’t help but laugh. I spent years chasing something, buying into the illusion of time, and collecting tangible things because I was too nearsighted to see the bigger picture and too farsighted to see what was right before me. Could it be that only the blind can truly see?
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
SOMETIMES YOU FIND YOUR DREAM, AND SOMETIMES IT FINDS YOU.
Scottie
“We’re about to close;hope you don’t need much,” I say to the customer who has the nerve to walk through the door two minutes before eight.
“I only need the girl behind the counter.” He shuts off theOpensign.
I toss him the key to lock the door.
As soon as he steps behind the counter, I grab his shirt and pull him to me. “If you think I’m going to change my mind, you’re?—”
“What do you want, Scottie?” Koen asks.
I release him, eyes narrowed. It’s not what he said; it’s how he said it. “Sexually?”
He smirks. “No. Well, maybe we’ll discuss that later. What do you want out of life? Do you want to get married? Do you want a family?”
“Are you proposing?” I ask with a laugh.
He twists his lips, sliding his hands into his back pockets. “I don’t know yet.”
My heart skips more than one beat. Is he serious?
Before I lose all composure, I clear my throat and find a good answer to his question. “I …” I shrug as if he asked me about going for ice cream. “Yes. I mean, I’m not opposed to marriage or a family. We discussed this on Valentine’s Day.”
“What does that look like for you?” Koen keeps a serious face.
After another nervous laugh, I lean against the counter, hugging myself. “I don’t know what you mean.”
“Do you want to be home with your kids? Do you imagine working full-time and sending kids to daycare? Do you imagine your husband staying home?”
Jesus. This is a deep conversation.
“I’m not sure my income would support a family if my husband wanted to stay home. Are you looking for a sugar mama?”
His lips quirk into a tiny grin. “No.”
“Koen, I …” I shake my head. “I don’t know how you want me to answer you.”
“Honestly.”
I frown. “I don’t know the answer. I’m not a planner. I live in the moment. I figure things out when the time comes.”
“Okay. Then marry me. And let’s figure it out as we go.”
Something between a laugh and a cough escapes my chest. “I don’t know my timeline for accepting wedding proposals, but I’m pretty sure it’s longer than two months.”
