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I feel tears stinging the back of my eyes.
Fuck. That’s part of why this is bothering me so much, too.
Because of Nathan and our relationship, I’ve gotten to know Stanford personally. I wanted this championship for him almost as much as Nathan did. Who knows how Stanford will be in a year? If we win next year, will he know? Will he understand and be able to enjoy it?
I scrub a hand over my face.
This family and relationship thing has definitely complicated my life.
If I hadn’t met Dani and gotten involved with the guys, I would be pissed tonight, I would be down, and I would be feeling like I failed my team.
But now I have more people in my life who I can fail. More people to let down. More people to care about.
Most days I love that.
Today is not one of those days.
"I’m sorry I couldn’t pull it out for us," I finally say to Blake and Jack. I haven’t apologized to anyone yet and it feels good to say the words I’m sorry.
They both scowl at me as expected. "It’s not just your fucking fault," Jack says."This team is not entirely your responsibility, McNeill."
"I know. But I don’t feel like I did my part."
And as I say those words out loud, I feel an aching in my chest.
That’s it. It’s not that I felt like I had to do it all, but I do feel like I didn’t do what everyone was depending on me to do.
And I fucking feel that way at home too.
It hits me between the eyes. I’ve felt restless ever since the guys proposed to Dani.
We had the heart to heart. I believe that they all understand where I’m at and are supportive. I’m not afraid of losing Dani exactly.
But I can’t shake this feeling that I’m not doing my part. The pie at home should be divided into four equal parts.
Right now, that’s not true. My slice is much smaller.
And that’s my choice.
Just then, a gorgeous, curvy, brunette slides up between Jack and Blake.
I know Elise. She works in my sister’s bakery. She’s bold, sassy, and hilarious. She’s also, apparently, just recently discovered she has a love for hockey.
Well, hockey players anyway.
"So there are three really cute young girls over at the bar who are wondering if you two need some comforting." She meets my gaze. "They know all about you. Not to say they didn’t express their disappointment that you’re already taken."
I love that all of Chicago knows about my relationship. And that they’re mostly supportive. That does add a little warmth to the cold rock that seems to be resting in my chest.
Blake turns partially on his stool. "Which ones?" he asks.
"Two blondes and the brunette at the end of the bar. They’ve all got margaritas." Elise says the word ‘margaritas’ with clear derision.
Elise definitely strikes me as the shoot–straight–tequila type of girl.
Blake shakes his head and turns back around. "Nah."
Jack lifts his drink to his lips and takes a draw. "Nope. Not me either."
