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I’m not. I’m excited. Thrilled. I’m marrying Michael and Nathan today in a commitment ceremony, surrounded by our family and dearest friends, including my boyfriend, Crew, who is our best man. I’m marrying two men who have loved me better than I could have ever imagined, who care for me and protect me and who always hear me and my needs.
After a whirlwind search for a venue, during which Nathan rejected a dozen options, we settled on a space with an ivy covered brick courtyard with burbling fountains and an explosion of plants for the ceremony, and an intimate and moody dining space inside, with a soaring two-story atrium so that we can see the stars when the sun sets. It’s actually the home of one of Nathan’s billionaire friends, who is currently in Dubai for six months and offered Nathan the use for our wedding.
Luna and I are in one of the bedroom suites, which is decorated in a soothing palette of ivory and sage, with lots of texture. The wallpaper is a fabric toile, and I feel like a princess standing in front of the full-length mirror, staring at myself in my chiffon gown with a sweetheart bodice and balloon sleeves. The skirt is loose and flowing and we’ve left my hair down to tumble in loose curls to match the ease of the skirt. My face is pale but my eyes are bright with happiness. While the waist of the skirt is narrow, it’s not tight. I didn’t expect to feel both so beautiful and nauseous all at the same time. I also didn’t plan to have a baby, but here we are and I’m over the moon.
But nauseous.
"I’m going to throw up because I’m pregnant. I can’t help it." I clutch my waist.
I’m only eight weeks along and I’m right in the throes of morning sickness. But today it seems to have spilled over into morning, noon, and night sickness. Maybe Luna is right. Maybe I am nervous. Not because this isn’t what I want, but because it’s exactly what I do want. To see Michael and Nathan stand up and commit to me forever has tears filling my eyes.
"No, you are absolutely not going to be sick," Luna tells me, as if she can will my vomiting away. "Just forget about it. Not happening. Do you want some water?"
I nod, afraid if I speak anymore, I’ll lose the fight. I press my fingers under my eyes, not wanting the tears to fall and ruin my makeup.
"Do you want me to get your mom?"
I shake my head quietly. "No. Absolutely not." Maybe that’s also why my emotions are running high. My parents are here for the ceremony, but only reluctantly. They’ll stay through dinner, but leave before the reception morphs into a full-blown party. Their acceptance of my poly relationship has been slow, with its ups and downs. They’re trying to understand and be supportive, but they can’t quite mask their concern. They don’t know I’m pregnant, because the guys and I all agreed that we would wait until I’m past my first trimester before we share our news. Luna knows because I told her I thought I might be pregnant when I first realized I had missed my period. And because, as amazing as my men are, a girl definitely needs a girlfriend sometimes, and this is one of those times.
Luna hands me a glass filled with sparkling water. "The bubbles will be good for your tummy." She’s wearing a mama-bear expression. "I can’t believe your parents. I’d love to tell them exactly how I feel about their manufactured drama. They’re being gross."
That makes me laugh softly after I sip the water carefully. "They’re here because they love me. That’s enough, or it’s going to have to be. But Michael’s whole family is also here, and your family, and Val, and all of the Racketeers, both players and staff, and it’s amazing. It’s almost perfect."
It would be truly perfect if my parents really were happy for me and if Crew was marrying me as well. But my sweet best friend is in a different place, and I’m respecting that his timeframe isn’t the same as mine. I’d marry him, too, in a heartbeat if he was ready though.
"I can’t believe I actually have a plus three for this wedding," Luna says with a grin, checking her hair in the mirror. She’s wearing a blush bridesmaid dress in a similar style to mine, with drop sleeves. "The last two weddings I attended, I went to solo. Now I’m drowning in dates. I love it."
"I’m so happy for you." I am ecstatic that Luna has found her men. Owen, Alexsei, and Cam all meet different needs for her and love her unconditionally. It’s been fabulous to watch my bestie falling in love times three. "It will be your turn to get married next," I tell her in a sing-song voice, shooting her a grin.
My stomach feels better. I take another sip of water.
Luna pauses in the middle of retouching her lipstick and shoots me a look in the mirror. "If you throw the bouquet my way, I won’t dodge it. Let’s put it that way."
"Oooh," I say, excited. "Then you can have a baby, too, and we’ll raise our kids together and…”
She’s laughing and waving her hands. "Oh my god, Dani, slow down! Let’s get you married and leave me to just enjoy my so-new-it’s-just-been-all-of-a-hot-minute-relationship for a while."
"Fine." I give her a soft smile and try to tame an errant curl in the mirror.
There’s a knock on the bedroom door.
"I’ll get it," Luna says. "If it’s Nathan or Michael I’ll get rid of them."
"You won’t be able to keep Nathan out of here if he’s at that door," I tell her with a grin. "Though he did promise me he’d stay away. I want him to see me for the first time when I walk down the aisle."
Luna cracks the door open. "Lorraine, hi. Come on in."
It’s Michael’s mom. I turn and the look of love and tenderness on her face makes me tear up all over again. When she moves toward me with her arms open, I immediately shift into her hug and wrap my arms tightly around her. It’s a mother’s hug, even if it’s not my own mom.
She pulls back, and holding my hands, lifts my arms out. "Let me look at you. You’re stunning, Dani. My son is a lucky man."
"I’m a lucky woman. Michael is a really good man and an amazing partner."
Lorraine lowers our arms and squeezes my hands. "He’s going to be an amazing father as well, isn’t he? You’re pregnant, aren’t you?"
I don’t know what to say. My cheeks flush. I don’t think Michael would have told her but… she looks very certain.
"No one told me," she reassures me. "But I had six of my own, remember? I recognize the look. Excitement, nerves, and a little bit of nausea." She gestures to the sparkling water. "It will be our little secret." She cups my cheeks. "Just make sure you keep eating small bites of something all day. Don’t let yourself go hungry or it will get worse."
