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“Yeah.” His voice was thick, eyes shifty like he was embarrassed. “I know I should be doing more, but I just can’t and not only because I don’t want her caught in my mess. She’s my mom, but she’s not my mom anymore. You know?”
I didn’t, but he didn’t actually want an answer. Looking at him when he was so obviously hurting made my chest ache. I wasn’t good at comfort, but something about Nate made it all too natural to climb into his lap, so I did. His body tensed, but he wrapped himself around me soon enough, taking what little solace I could offer just by being there. Letting my instincts lead, I pulled him into a hug and rested his head against my shoulder.
“You’re not a bad person for not being there all the time. You’re putting her well-being above your own. From what I’ve seen of you so far, it seems to be a character flaw.”
He laughed, his breath warm against my collarbone, and I tried very hard not to squirm. Now that I knew what was underneath those shorts and how hot this thing between us could burn, it was going to be very difficult to hold myself back. But this wasn’t a moment when he needed sex; he just needed me to be there.
Eventually, he leaned back and let me rest on him. We didn’t speak as he ran his fingers through my hair, taking comfort in another person. At some point, he tipped my head up, and after a long look in my eyes, his lips were on mine.
Our first kiss was everything I expected from Nate. It was soft, sweet. All-consuming. It made me feel vulnerable and powerful at the same time. Then it was gone, and my lips tingled with the feel of him.
“What was that for?” I asked. He shrugged, tucking me back into his chest. I liked feeling the rumble of his words against my cheek.
“Because I wanted to. Because you’re here when you don’t have to be. Because you’re giving me a chance. Take your pick.”
Smiling softly, I shifted so I could run a hand through his hair too. His eyes closed happily with the feel of my fingernails on his scalp. “It’s not exactly a hardship to be here for you, Nate. You’re a good man.”
“I’m not,” he said, silencing me with a blind kiss when I moved to argue. “One day, you’ll see that I’m right, but for now—for you—I’ll try to be.”
The way he said it made the hairs on my arms rise. “What else don’t I know, Nate?”
“Admittedly, a lot. But there are some things I just can’t tell you—either because I legally can’t because the price is too high, they would put you in danger, or because I’m just not ready to talk about it.”
It was a bad idea. I knew that, but I also knew history that hurt. Besides, Nate was Nate. New or not, I couldn’t see him doing anything to hurt me if he could avoid it. “Are any of these secrets going to come back and bite us in the ass?”
I liked that he took his time to think about his answer. “I don’t know, but I promise to be at your side if they do.”
I wanted more, but I wasn’t sure he had anything else to give. For as connected as we seemed to be, Nate was just as self-contained as Moore. He held himself and his secrets close. I either had to be ready for a fight for answers or be okay with knowing he was holding back.
The part of me that had too many lives to protect balked, but I’d already made my decision on Nate when he’d taken lives to save mine. “I’ll accept it for now, but if your shit comes back to haunt us…” I left the warning unfinished. He knew what I meant even if I couldn’t say it.
“I know, Mari.” Mari, not angel. That earned him points too. He knew when to be soft and when to be a soldier.
We were quiet again for a while, him running his hand through my hair and me just listening to his heartbeat under my ear. Eventually, I knew the world would come for us, but I just needed one more minute.
“Was it worth it?” I asked when I couldn’t help myself any longer.
“Was what worth it?”
“Leaving, joining the mercs, coming home?” Joining us? I didn’t say it, but he heard it. I had a feeling Nate could read me just as well as the others, but that street went both ways. When I looked at him, I saw the broken pieces that longed for a home that was long since gone, the part that was as desperate to belong and be safe as I was. I saw myself, and I wanted to tell him that I could make it all happen, that this family could be his too. But I didn’t. Nate wasn’t ready for it.
That was fine. We had nothing but time.
His fingers tightened in my hair before they relaxed again. “Yeah, I think so.”
Chapter Eleven
Mari
“We’ve got a problem, boss.”
Veronica LaRue, known affectionately as Ronnie to her friends, sat across from me at Harris and Co.’s massive conference room table. I was fairly certain it was barely smaller than my dining room table at the mansion, but it was nearly empty today, with only Dominic and Greyson joining us.
Tennessee was by the door, but I’d left Nate with Moore to get up to speed with our security protocols. After our chat, Grey had done another, more in-depth background check—mostly using our little friends in the government—to back up Nate’s claims. Everything checked out as far as we could see, and that meant we were all taking a leap and trusting him. The same could be said for him, considering he had given me no fewer than three knives on my way out the door. He was taking his bodyguard duties very seriously, and honestly, I was here for it.
But Harris and Co. wasn’t the place to test out new trust. The auditors were longtime employees of the Marcosas, and they knew too much about us to let just anyone sit in on a meeting. Hell, even Mario had used them to make sure everything was running smoothly in our family.
If you lose track of your money, you lose track of your power. Another lesson I’d taken to heart.
