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Jaw working, I gesture between us.
Hurt rounds her eyes, and she shakes her head, causing her hair to spill all around her. She curls forward, as if to hide the fact she’s naked, and I realize how much of an asshole I am, bringing this up now.
We just had sex. Not for the first time, but still.
“Fuck, I’m sorry,” I say, wincing. “I didn’t mean like us-us.”
Sure about that?
Shoving that thought away, I clarify, “I meant, like, piano.”
“I don’t understand.”
I lift a shoulder. “I guess I just wonder if maybe we…took it too serious sometimes. Like we put it first, when maybe we should’ve had more fun?”
She blinks a couple times, gaze focused somewhere just past me. “I don’t…know if I understand.”
Throat thick, I stare at her.
“I thought you loved it.”
“I do,” I say, reaching forward, grabbing her hands in mine. “I do. Piano is…music is everything to me.”
Her gaze finally meets mine again, wary, and…and something else I can’t quite pinpoint.
“I guess I’m just worried because…I don’t really know who I am outside of it, you know? And isn’t that something I should know?”
She’s shaking her head. “Where is this coming from?”
I swallow tightly. “I don’t know. Just something Jeremy said a while bac?—”
“JJ?” Her frown deepens.
“Yeah,” I say, waving a vague hand. “He, um, he was talking about his plans for college. And?—”
“Wait, he’s still applying to?—”
“Yes,” I cut in gently, but firm.
She relaxes, nodding, gaze distant.
Sucking the inside of my cheek, I try not to feel like a dickhead for…well, not lying, per se.
Omitting is totally lying.
I bite back a curse, and look down at the rumpled blankets.
While she knows that he didn’t get into his first choice, she has no idea he’s applied to other schools…
Ones not in New York.
His new top choice?
California Institute of the Arts.
Literally the other side of the country.
I tell myself it’s not for that reason, that it’s because it’s a good school, because the weather’s nice, because….because something about it on the website appealed to him.
