He mutters a curse. “Sorry. I don’t know where that came from.” He says something else, something too quiet for me to make out, but I’m pretty sure I catch the words “tequila” and “sober.”
A frown tugs at my face. “Are you drunk?”
A beat, then, “Little bit.”
Heart racing, I say, “Was he your boyfriend?”
“No,” he says quickly. Too quickly.
Is he lying?
But then I recall what he said earlier about no sleepovers, and I realize in an instant what’s actually going on here.
“Oh.” Oh is fucking right. “Okay… were you… I mean, you’re being safe, right? I know you can handle yoursel?—”
The sound that leaves him is sharp and ugly, filled with a level of bitterness I’m not expecting. “Except you don’t. You don’t know that. Clearly. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be asking such stupid questions. Obviously I’m being safe.”
Numb, I nod into my empty room, even though he can’t see me. My voice sounds distant, even to my own ears. “Okay. Sorry. I just?—”
More grumbling. More cursing.
“I never should’ve said anything,” he mutters. “Can we just, like, rewind, and pretend this conversation didn’t happen? That you didn’t hear… whatever you heard.”
I frown. “If… if that’s what you want.” Shaking my head, I add, “But… you know it’s not, like, a big deal, right, Jer? You’re having sex. That’s… that’s good. It’s… good.”
There’s a very pregnant pause.
“Good?”
I cringe. “Yep.”
“Well, I’m so glad you approve. Your blessing is everything I’ve been waiting for.”
I pinch the corners of my eyes. “That’s not what I?—”
“Just forget it,” he says thickly, and in my head, a clear image materializes—one of him that I’ve seen a million times. Furrowed brow. Hunched shoulders and a downturned face. Fingers worrying at the ends of his hair.
“I’m sorry, okay?” I tell him.
“Why are you apologizing? You’re not the one who called me while someone’s cock was up your?—”
I cough, and immediately choke on my spit like the absolute idiot I am.
A long-winded groan fills my ear as I pound my fist against my chest, trying to remember how to breathe.
“I’m gonna hang up now,” he says.
“Wait. Don’t,” I rasp. Coughing one more time, I say in a cracked voice, “Just…you caught me off-guard.”
“Uh huh.”
Clearing my throat, I rub my palm over my mouth, debating what to say.
“I apologized because I don’t know what to say,” I finally manage.
“There’s nothing to say.”
“I feel like I’m handling this all wrong.”
