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He tells me that several years ago, Waylon ended up on the bridge with his dad’s hand gun. How he pulled the trigger, but the safety was on.
And I want to throw up.
I had no idea.
No fucking idea.
But I should have, and that’s what kills me.
Covering my face, I squeeze my eyes shut until I see stars.
All these years, I was terrified it’d be Jeremy. Despite his insistences. Despite his promises…
When in fact, it was the guy with the perpetual smirk and deep-seated dimples and devil may care attitude who was hanging on by an actual thread I should’ve been paying closer attention to.
Fuck, Izzy. I’m so sorry. I told you I’d take care of him…and I failed.
I failed them both…
“He doesn’t know I know about that,” Shawn says quietly.
Sniffing, I nod. I lower my hands, and rub them on my thighs, and say, “Okay. Okay.”
I open the door just as Shawn kills the engine.
Blood is roaring in my ears as I follow Shawn to their room. He tells me Reggie’s at the garage, so it’s just Waylon inside.
He doesn’t answer after the first couple knocks, but Shawn assures me he’s in there. So I resort to an old, secret knock we had as kids, when we used to play in the treehouse at the Montgomerys.
One second passes.
Another.
Then, finally, the door cracks open.
All I see are reddened, tired hazel eyes peeking out from under a mop of black hair, and a caustic smile that has his too-hollow cheeks sinking with two deep divots.
“Mason Wyatt, as I live and breathe.”
His voice cracks the ever-slightest bit, and the next thing I know I’m throwing my arms around him in a crushing hug, squeezing him to me like I’ve never squeezed him to me before.
And he’s tense—because of course he’s tense. We don’t hug. I’m not sure that we’ve hugged a single day in our lives.
In his ear, I’m saying, “You’re okay,” because…he is. Right now he is, even though, unbeknownst to me, he almost wasn’t.
And “I’m sorry,” because I am…
I’m so, so sorry.
I almost lost him too…
Fuck.
And I know things are far from perfect, but right now, in this second, as he pats me awkwardly on the back, and I feel Shawn hovering behind me watching us, I can believe that it’ll be okay. We’ll be okay. Everything will be okay.
Because I’m gonna be better.
For him. For Shawn.
