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And frankly, I’m not sure I’m brave enough to risk it—not yet—not when the stakes have been spelled out, leaving no doubt as to where we must go from here. And that’s not even taking into consideration what people would even say, if we did get together.
I’m fighting a losing battle here.
I rub my hands over my face, composing myself, and jog to catch up with him, reaching his side just as a break in the trees reveals our friends right where we left them.
His steps slow, and he cuts his gaze to me when I match his pace.
“We have today,” I whisper.
And with that, I plaster a smile on my face, and pretend I’m not dying inside as I join the others. In my periphery, I don’t miss Will sharing a quiet word with Jeremy when he plops down next to him.
Jeremy whispers something, nods, and his gaze flits to mine, tight and red with emotion. He gives me a small smile, and some of the tension in my chest loosens. Just enough to hold me in place, and keep me from crawling over there on my hands and knees to beg for a third option—one that allows me to keep him here with me, but doesn’t risk our friendship. One that gives us…time—a chance to explore this—without potentially costing us everything.
Two things can be true at once…
Prompted by that reminder, my gaze swings over to the name etched in the headstone.
But something will always come along and tip the scales eventually.
The quiet strumming of a guitar takes shape into a melody I know, and I find my gaze swinging to where Waylon watches me, brow quirked as he easily slips into an acoustic version of “You Get What You Give.”
Throat squeezing, I grab my keyboard, nod, and softly add piano to it.
It’s one of the first songs I learned on here that wasn’t classical, or some kid’s song.
It’s my favorite song after all. Well, one of them. I have two.
Jeremy groans from where he sits hunched next to Ivy, letting her paint his nails black. But it’s quick to break off into a laugh as Waylon and I chuckle.
“Come on, JJ,” I say, voice still raw from our conversation. “You know it’s tradition.”
He exhales sharply, and narrows his eyes my way, visibly fighting a smile.
I start singing when the first verse comes in, softly, remaining respectful of where we are. Not only that, but of the…gentleness of this moment.
When Jeremy told me he wanted to have his birthday here, to say I was…confused would be putting it lightly. But I get it now. Birth. Death. A cycle coming full-circle as we close the door on one book, to open the next.
He came home to say goodbye to all of this…to us…to Izzy…
My voice veers off-key the slightest bit, but it’s buried under Waylon’s voice as he harmonizes with me on the chorus. Phoebe drags Jeremy up to dance with her, paying no mind to the fresh coat of black polish Ivy just painted on his nails.
A moment later, Shawn comes in on his guitar, a flower crown drooping around his thick dark head of hair—compliments of my sister—easily picking up the song. We’d never played it before, but the guy’s good. Not as quick of a learner as Waylon, but for someone also self-taught who’s not a savant with a magic ear, Shawn sure does give him a run for his money.
When I reach the bridge, I let my voice finally carry, filling this would-be sad place with new life. Giving the souls who rest here a concert to remember. I’d like to think they appreciate it.
Waylon and Shawn strum harder, keeping the song going, and I set the keyboard to the side, pushing to a stand to join my sister and Jeremy in the grass. I grab their hands, and we jump and twirl around, belting out the lyrics we all know by heart.
Jeremy’s gaze meets mine, twinkling in the afternoon sun, and for a brief moment, I’m thrown back to when we were kids. It was his and Izzy’s tenth birthday, and when this song started playing, I confided in them and Waylon about how much I loved it and hated it.
“It makes me think of my dad.”
And Waylon asked why I continue listening to it then.
And I told all three of them?—
“Because I love it too much.”
And somehow, after that, it just became this…thing. Year after year on his and Izzy’s birthday—on mine—on Waylon’s…
