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We play this song, and we dance and we sing it as loud as we can. Infusing as much good and happy as we can, so as to never be hurt by this song again. They did that for me.
Just like they’ve been holding me up all these years, even before we lost Izzy. Taking me in like I was a part of them from the start.
It’s been so long since we last did this. Not since we were seventeen.
My eyes fall shut, for just a beat, and when I open them, I let my head fall back, my eyes throbbing from the glare as I gaze up at the crystal-blue sky.
I can’t see the stars—can’t see the blackness beyond—and maybe it’s for the best.
I don’t think I’d be brave enough to risk the universe hearing the whispers thundering in my chest, as my heart thumps wishes against my ribcage, so loud, I don’t know how anyone doesn’t hear their incessant chant.
How no one sees it shining brightly from my eyes as I watch Jeremy turn his head, grinning at me as he sings the words, looking lighter and freer than he ever has in his life.
As if his earlier confession was all that remained of the shackles that kept him prisoner to this town…
To me.
This is a good thing, I think sadly, smiling as I sing about the world falling apart, and following your heart, and having each other’s back and?—
Say you’re mine.
Our fingers tangle, squeezing, and I wonder if he senses it. This creeping knowledge in the back of my head—this sudden desire to start over, start fresh, do things better.
I don’t want to lose him…
But I know I can’t keep him. Not now, not like this. I’ve kept him for long enough. And this boy deserves to fly free—to scream from hilltops haloed under lemon-yellow suns, his demons slain and scattered beneath his feet.
King Jeremy the Wicked, finally ruling his world.
And maybe, just maybe, one day he’ll let me be part of it once more…
CHAPTER SEVENTY-ONE
AGE 22, APRIL
“One more song! One more song!”
A guitar screeches into the packed venue, and the chanting cuts off with a roar.
A moment later, the drums come in with a low, quick bass beat, and screams break out.
The lights remain off, the dark broken up only by the camera flashes popping off throughout the narrow high-vaulted space.
I step through the curtains, back on stage, breathless and grinning. Adrenaline courses through my veins. Heart thrashing, skin buzzing, it hits me all over again?—
This is my life now.
Crossing the stage, my gaze finds Waylon first, where he sits behind the drum set, nodding along to the beat he creates. There’s just enough visibility coming from the lights backstage for our eyes to lock. He flashes me a grin, and I give him a nod as I pass.
Stage left, Shawn continues playing the intro chords to “Sever Me”—one of our most popular songs. It’s fast-paced and gritty—the perfect song to end a near-perfect tour. Our first tour.
He glances my way, and while he doesn’t smile, I don’t miss the glint in his eye, telling me he feels it too. The energy tonight…
It’s unbeatable. A high like none other.
I reach the standing mic in the center, and hold up my fingers, taking a deep breath as I count back in my head.
Three, two, one?—
