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“I was just saying, I vent to Evie about everything. You know that. Something enters my brain, and if it feels uncomfortable. I call her up and talk it out with her."
“I know. And I love that you have that. I also want to be that for you, though. I want you to feel safe coming to me, talking to me about anything. Everything. Even if you think it will be something I don’t want to hear. “
“I just…” He shifts, so I have no choice but to look at him, his features filling my entire line of vision, and his face is so serious.
“Stella Hart, you’re my person. Evie can be yours, and I’ll share that honor with her until the day I die, but you’re mine. You’re it for me. You’ve always been it for me. I was already thinking about the things I heard you say to Evie. They were already rattling around in my mind, and that’s why it threw me off. It was a confirmation of my biggest fears.”
“Your biggest fears?” I ask, confused and worried at the dread in his eyes.
“I’m terrified I’m going to fuck up so big, so badly, you’re going to run one day. You’re going to realize your mom was right, that you can do so much better than me, that you deserve more.”
“Riggins…” I start, ready to tell him all the reasons I love him and need him.
“I can’t lose you, Stella. I…” His head tips up again, and in the low light of the stars, I can see the glistening of his eyes. “I can’t lose you. I’ve seen what happens when you lose your person, your reason for living.”
“Riggins—” I start, the panic filling me because I can’t be his reason for living. I’d absolutely fold under the pressure of that. But then his hand moves, fumbling into his pocket and pulling out a ring that he holds between us. My heartbeat skyrockets.
“Riggins…” I say again, but it sounds different this time.
“I love you, Stella,” he whispers. “I love you more than all the stars in the sky, Stella. You are my star, my sun. I wouldn’t survive this world without you, and I never want to find out what life is like without you.” The ring in his fingers glints gently in the starlight, but my eyes are locked on Riggins.
“I want you to be mine forever, Stella. I want to lay under the stars with you, write songs, and explore the world with you. I want to go to Maine and look at the stars there, and I want to make all of your crazy dreams come true. I want to raise our kids in Ashford and let Mrs. Montgomery tell them she always had to yell at their parents because they talked in the halls too much, that she always knew we’d be together.” I choke out a laugh, and that’s when I realize I’m crying.
“This isn’t an engagement ring. You deserve more from a proposal than an apology after our first real fight. You deserve the moon, Stella. It’s just a promise ring. It’s me begging you to give me another chance, to forgive me, to give me time to plan your real proposal.” His lips turn up in a smile, and I can’t help but return it. “This is me begging you to forgive me.”
I let myself think about it for just a moment, but it’s useless.
I know what I’m going to say.
I’ve been irrevocably in love with Riggins Greene since I was five and I realized I had a crush on him. Fell further when I was ten and he punched Timmy Stewart for saying my pigtails were dumb looking, and I kept falling when I held his hand at his mother’s funeral.
I knew he was it for me when we snuck out to sit under the stars, the first song we wrote together. I've known since he left to chase his dreams, and mostly, when he came back and told me his dreams were nothing without me.
I’ve always wanted Riggins to be mine, and I’ve always wanted to be his.
So there’s no choice but to smile dreamily and nod. And when he stands, slides the thin promise ring band on my finger that I don’t bother to look at—it could be the ugliest, least me thing on the whole planet, and I’d have accepted it—then kisses me, dipping low as I giggle, the band cheering in the background.
I didn’t even realize he never made promises about changing his lifestyle until it was much, much too late.
32 FEAR OF WATER
NOW
STELLA
He knocks.
When Riggins comes to pick me up for Beckett’s party, he knocks on the front door like this is a real date. Butterflies erupt in my belly and I wipe my hands down the front of my rose colored dress that I’m halfway regretting wearing. It’s much too fancy for a house party at Beck’s, but I’m unsure of what this is—a date, or just a party.
I chose an all-lace maxi dress with a plunging neckline showing the sides of my barely there breasts, a slip dress underneath the lace stopping right beneath my ass. It’s a mix of sexy and boho, so it feels like me still but pretty. Special.
I take a deep break, running my fingers through my waves before opening the door.
He stands there, his hands in his pockets, his longish hair pulled back into a mini bun at the back of his head, a black tee and dark jeans on, and he looks so fucking handsome.
I open my mouth to say… something, anything, but I don’t get the chance when he takes a wide step inside my place, hands going to my waist and guiding me until I’m against the wall of my entryway, his lips moving to mine instantly.
It’s not a sweet hello kiss, not kind and pleasant. It’s hot and needy, and when his body presses against mine fully, I moan into the kiss. The slit in my dress comes in handy when his hands move to my ass, and I’m able to spread my legs around his waist as he continues to hold me against the wall, grinding into me where I need him most.
