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We haven’t done anything since that one night and definitely haven’t done anything more than kiss since I agreed to give him a fresh shot, and right now, that need is building in me.
I moan as his tongue tangles with mine and again as his lips start to trail, leaving wet, sucking kisses along the sensitive skin of my neck.
“Riggins, please,” I whisper in his ear. “Please.” I’m asking for more. I’m asking for everything. I don’t know if I’m ready to give him that or if I’m ready to take it from him, but right now, it’s all I can think about. He puts his forehead against mine, shaking his head. “I don’t want to rush this, Stella. I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Whatisthis?” I whisper, dazed by the kiss and letting my worries run free. “What are we? One day, I’m just me, I’m floating along, surviving?—”
“Surviving,” he says, his brows coming together, the word sounding foreign on his lips, like he doesn’t quite understand the meaning of it. Even from the close angle I can see he doesn’t like the word. I roll my eyes and smile.
“Yes, surviving, Humans do it all the time. Living from one day to the next.”
“No, no, little star. You should never be just surviving. You should be thriving. And I’m so fucking sorry it took me so long to come back, to find what has always been mine, and to take care of you.” My heart skips a beat with his words.
“This is what I mean, Riggins. What is this?” The panic starts to rise with my already heightened emotions. “You slide back into my life, no warning, then start following me to work every day, saving me from creeps, taking care of me when I’m having an episode, helping me stand up to my mom, and I’m just supposed to be like, yeah, totally, this is normal?” He smiles wider and moves so I’m standing again, but he’s still caging me in, keeping me in a place like he’s afraid I’ll run.
“I mean, that would make my life a bit easier, but you’ve never been one for that.”
I roll my eyes. “I’m serious, Riggins. I’m so confused. What is this? Is this a date? Are we just friends?”
Suddenly, his face goes dark, a million emotions cascading over it. His breath ghosts against my lips, smelling of cinnamon mints and coffee.
“My biggest regret in life—and Stella, I have a lot of them. So fucking many, from not letting my mom know how much she meant to me, to not making sure my dad got help, to making the guys suffer because I was a fuckwad, to so many more I probably can’t even remember because I’d drink until I blacked out and do and say dumb, hurtful things and not remember them in the morning. But of all the shit I’ve done, the one I regret most is letting you walk away from me. Not fighting for you, for us. And selfishly, part of that is because it means I spent too many years without seeing you smile, without smelling your perfume, or without feeling your fingers twine with mine. Seven years since I sat under the stars with you, since we wrote a song together. Seven years since, I felt at peace, even when I was tearing myself apart. My biggest fucking regret is watching you walk away and not chasing after you, not doing everything in my power to make sure you knew how fucking much I love you.”
“Riggins,” I whisper, but I don’t know what I’m trying to say. Am I asking him to kiss me? Am I asking him to stop, to back off, to leave forever? “What is this?” I ask for a third time instead of either of those options, my lips brushing his with the movement of my lips.
“This is us, our second shot, Stella. That’s what this is. Please. Take it with me.”
Something in me shifts with his words, my world careening a bit, and for some reason beyond my understanding, I nod.
“Stella!” a voice yells when Riggins, Evie, and I walk into Beckett’s house, the same one he had all those years ago, not upgrading to something more grand despite his increased budget and stardom.
Evie waited in her car until Riggs and I showed up, refusing to walk in without us, and as I see her give a forced uncomfortable smile, I’m half wondering why she came here, even if I’m glad she’s here. “And Everest!” Reed comes into view, moving around bodies until he’s pulling both Evie and I into his arms.
“You call me Everest again, I’m pulling out my blackmail from when we were kids,” my twin deadpans when he steps back, bumping into some girl I don’t recognize. She glares at him until she realizes who he is, and her lips tip up, coy and intrigued.
Reed ignores her, as he always does. That was always his way, ignoring all of the super fans who wanted a roll in the hay with the bassist of Atlas Oaks.
There’s not too many people here, maybe fifteen plus a handful I saw milling about outside, smoking and sitting around a bonfire, but Beckett’s house is small, so it feels bigger than it is.
“You wouldn’t,” Reed says, a look of fake hurt on his face.
“Try me,” my sister says, and I can’t help but laugh.
“Stop it you two, or I’ll pull out my blackmail and we all know I know way more on both of you than you could possibly know on me,” I say and both of them laugh.
“God, Stell, still as vicious as ever,” a voice says, and then Wes and Beck come into view.
“Shut it, Wesley,” I say with a smile, moving to give him a hug and then step back. “You guys remember my sister, right?”
Beck’s eyes go warm and knowing, and for a split second, I wonder if I imagined it as his grumpy guard drops back down into place. “Evie,” he says, low and without any emotion in his voice, before pulling me into a hug and wordlessly walking off.
I meet Reed’s eyes and give him a,what the fucklook. His face is a hint of confusion, a hint of humor as he shrugs at me.
Evie elbows me in the side, and I lean to hear her,
“I think I just saw someone I know. I’ll be right back,” she says. I move to look around, then back at my sister to ask who, but before I can, she’s gone, disappearing into the small crowd.
When I turn back it’s just Reed and Wes in front of me.
