AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“It’s something I pitched, inspired by… well you. And the guys. And the diner. How they’d come there after local shows and eat breakfast hungover to decompress. You said they did it on the road, too.” I nod, because we did. We’d go to some local diner hungover and eat breakfast together no matter what. It was a ritual I missed when I left. “I’m going on tour with a band for a month, and every Sunday, we’ll go to a diner, and I’ll get to interview them.”
“What about the rest of the month? Or is it just Sundays?”
“I’ll see how they spend their free time, how they get ready for a show, how they interact with fans. A full, in-depth article about life on the road with whoever the magazine sends me to talk to.” My mouth drops open with shock.
“Why… Why didn’t you tell me?” I ask, and the betrayal is clear in my voice. I wish it wasn’t, but I can’t help it.
“Oh, Stell,” she says, reaching over and grabbing my hand. “I didn’t…” There's a pause before she squeezes my hand, and her smile turns sad.
God, I hate that look.
“I’m fine, Evie,” I say, trying to reassure her. “You’re my sister. My twin. I want to know when something exciting like this happens!”
“I know. I know. It was shitty of me. I meant well, I was just… nervous.” I nod, understanding. She’s seen what my episodes can look like and how memories can trigger them. “But now it feels… it feels like everything is falling into place.”
I can’t fight the smile that pulls at my lips again when I nod.
“It does. It feels like everything is where it should be. Like the universe is righting itself. I’m…” I hesitate to explain, to confess, scared that saying it out loud will jinx it. “I’m happy, Evie. I feel like a part of me is back.” She gives me a small smile and squeezes the hand she’s still holding.
“Are you scared?”
I almost answer instantly, almost reply with a no, and then almost jump in with a yes, but then I stop and think. I let it bubble in my belly, let the question really penetrate.
“Of Riggins?” I ask, clarifying so I can give some modicum of a real answer. The one person I’ve never in my life lied to is my sister, and I don’t want to start now.
She nods. “Of Riggins. Of starting things with him. Or continuing them. Are you scared of being… together again?”
Saying yes feels like a betrayal to Riggs, a betrayal to everything he’s done and all the progress he’s made.
But saying no feels like a betrayal to my soul, a lie of the worst degree.
Am I scared?
I use my sister as a sounding board, bouncing ideas and thoughts off of her.
“I…. Yes. And no? I’m not scared of his sobriety. I’m not scared that he’s going to hurt me again with that.” Her face softens like she’s happy with that answer, and I am, too, because it’s not a lie.
Not a single part of me doubts Riggins’ sobriety or his commitment to it. He’s clean, and he seems completely content with that. It’s clear the band is heavily supporting that effort.
But while that was a big part of why things went to hell, it wasn’t the only thing.
“But I don’t know where I fit,” I whisper, suddenly anxious and uneasy. I feel weird saying that out loud and telling my sister that. Admitting it. It feels childish and selfish. “He’s Riggins. He’s a rock star. The band is monumental, and I just feel… I’m just Stella. I don’t know where I fit in there. I think I struggled with it then, too, but now that I’m older, I can’t just ignore it.”
“You fit with him, Stell. You fit with Riggins, and you fit with the band. It was clear to everyone then, and it was even clearer at Beck’s party.”
“You think so?” I ask, hope blossoming in my chest.
“You know it’s true. You just have to take the jump and believe it, too.”
36 MESS
NOW
RIGGINS
Her car in the drive signals her coming home, but so does Gracie’s head popping up, ears perking.
Staring at her, I decide Gracie needs a sister. Stella missed most of her puppy years, and I know that has to hurt. My mind runs through options, such as what kind we should get if she should come with me to get it, or if it should be a surprise again. The last time was me being a manipulative shit, me trying to make up for mistakes without doing a damn thing to actually change.
