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I turn my head to look at the woman I’ve fallen in love with, and my heart breaks when I see a small tear trickle from her closed eyes. “Did Gretchen ever physically hurt you, Anna?”
She doesn’t answer right away, and I begin to think the worst, but then she says, “Other than a rare slap across the face, no, she didn’t touch me. She did something far worse.”
I lay there silently, waiting for her to continue.
“Aren’t you going to ask me what she did, Aiden?”
“No. If you’re not ready to share, then I’ll accept that. If you are, I’m ready to listen.” I reach for her hand, and she pulls away. A few seconds later, she changes her mind and reaches for mine, gripping it tightly when she continues her story.
“When I won the title of Miss Georgia, I was practically skin and bones. I wore a one-piece swimsuit just so the judges couldn’t see my ribs. By the time the Miss USA and Miss America competitions rolled around, my hair had started falling out due to malnutrition. Gretchen was so angry with me when Bethany Davis had to take my spot. I wanted the Miss America scholarship, but Gretchen wanted the cash prize from Miss USA. Neither of us got what we wanted.”
I’m afraid to ask my next question, but as I said to Jessie, I’ll take the good with the bad. “Did Senator Bruce Maxwell play any part in your decision to step down?”
Anna laughs, but there’s no mirth in it. She sits up, wrapping her arms around her legs and resting her cheek on her knees. “No. The picture you saw was taken out of context. It was at a Gala in downtown Atlanta, and I had just come off the dance floor with the Senator. His wife was three feet away, standing with their oldest son. They didn’t make it into the picture, and I’m sure it was purposeful to create tabloid fodder. I don’t know why the couple divorced, but I can assure you that it had nothing to do with me or that picture. The reason I stepped down was because I was in the hospital.
“I was used to functioning on very little food, but my body finally gave out. I wasn’t physically able to attend the competition. The doctors ran all sorts of tests and diagnosed me with Anorexia Nervosa. Anorexia is an eating disorder in which people make a conscious choice not to eat for various reasons. I didn’t have a choice, Aiden. Call it whatever you want, but I was literally starving to death. I had just turned 18, and the only money I had was the change I had saved from finding coins on the ground. Do you know what I bought with it?”
“Food?” I ask like an imbecile.
“No, I bought the one and only tangible item I had ever wanted. Your jersey.”
When she admits that to me, my eyes well with tears. Having no idea what to say to her, I remain silent and let her continue.
Anna looks out over the water and stares blankly, “After the doctors ran their tests, they discovered something else. I had to have Gretchen forcibly removed from the room since I was no longer a minor, and she had no right to be privy to my medical diagnosis.”
I move to sit behind Anna, straddling my legs around her. I reach my hands around her body to hold hers and provide comfort, resting my chin on her shoulder. Now, we’re both looking out over the water, and I hope it will give her the courage to keep sharing.
“My mother’s greed took away any chance of me becoming a mother myself. One of the side effects of Anorexia Nervosa is infertility. In most cases, it can be cured over time if a person eats healthy foods and provides their body with the proper nutrition. In my case, I had been malnourished for so long that the doctors said it’s unlikely I’ll ever recover.
“All I ever wanted from Gretchen was her unconditional love, but I never got it. Heck, I can’t remember ever receiving a hug. I held so tightly onto the hope that she would one day love me that I allowed her to control me for four more years while I was in college. I regained my health and strength because the meal plan was provided as part of the tuition. The only reason why my mother agreed to my participation in pageants that had scholarships instead of a cash prize was so that I was in a position to meet doctors or athletes and marry above my station. For her, it would have been wealth by association.”
I growl low, “And that’s why when we first met, you said you don’t date athletes.”
She nods. “Money never meant anything to me other than to put food on the table. I promised myself that I would marry someone broke and penniless for love rather than be someone’s trophy wife. Those men that the article talked about? Those were all sponsors of the pageants. I took photos with their wives, too. I never once dated a married man, wrecked a home, or tried to hitch my ride to a ‘gravy train.’”
“I believe you, Anna. I’m so sorry you had to go through all of that,” I tell her.
“I’m not.”
Confused, I ask, “What?”
She tells me about her talk with God the other night and the words my mother said to her about how the trials she endured weren’t a punishment, but preparation.
“If I could be where I’m at without all the hardship, I would have much preferred that. However, I’m happy with my life now, and everything that has happened has led me here. It’s taken me 32 years to forgive my mother, Aiden, and it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. Jumping in front of a bullet is a heck of a lot easier if you ask me. If I had any hope of being forgiven, then I had to be willing to forgive Gretchen, if only so I could let go and move on.”
“I bet she would like to hear that from you, Anna. Gretchen has changed so much, and not just on Sundays. However, I think a part of her is begging for a chance to apologize to you and make amends for what she has done. Would you be open to that? I’ll be with you the entire time if that’s what you need.”
Anna leans her head back into my chest and once again closes her eyes. I think she’s fallen asleep, but then she says, “Make it so, Number One.”
Chapter twenty-six
Savannah
Ispent the rest of the afternoon with Aiden down by the water, telling him the rest of my childhood stories. After calling him “Number One,” we playfully argued over which is better, Star Trek or Star Wars. Personally, I love them both, but Aiden is a die-hard Star Wars fan, so I batted for Team Star Trek.
I shared with him my love for all manner of weapons, even though I’m best with a gun. We swapped stories, and I shared some of the crazy adventures I’ve had with my team. It was enlightening for me as I realized that my life turned out pretty great despite its rocky start and that I’m truly content with the path I’m on.
When Aiden’s rumbling stomach growled louder than his words, I couldn’t help but laugh. I pulled out the chunked chicken sandwiches I had made, along with a cranberry-walnut salad topped with feta cheese. I had debated on whether or not to make a charcuterie board but decided that fresh-cut fruit would be better. I made a plate for Roger as well, who had been keeping an eye out for us.
