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I stare at the napkin, my mind completely blank. Oh, right. My number. I scribble it down and pass the napkin and pen back to her.
“I’ll call you once I’ve made my decision,” she says, taking them and dropping them into her purse. “Or if I have anything to talk about further.”
I watch as she walks away, a small part of me wishing she had stayed just a little longer.
There’s something about Ellie that makes me want to know more, to know everything about her.
Uncertainty washes over me as I think about what would happen if she were to decline my offer. I’d respect her decision, of course, but I think I’d be pretty disappointed.
When the hell did I become attached to this whole proposal? It wasn’t even my idea and yet I’m drawn to it. To Ellie becoming my wife.
My father wasn’t completely wrong. And while I don’t particularly like the idea of doing something because he suggested it, I can’t ignore the fact that he’s kind of onto something here.
At first, it was a tug-of-war with my father, where I was determined to get what I want. But now that I have my sights set on Ellie, I want to win.
The more I think about it, the more it appeals to me. The more Ellie appeals to me. Which is either incredibly dangerous, or incredibly right.
She hasn’t even agreed yet, and it is impossible to tell how she’s leaning. She’s not exactly an easy person to read.
Maybe that’s why I want to learn how to get inside her mind so much.
10
ELLIE
Ipace back and forth in my hotel room a few days later, feeling more confused than I’ve ever felt in my entire life. Nothing could have prepared me for the conversation I had with Cedrick. Two days have gone by, and my mind is still reeling.
I did decide to cancel my doctor’s appointment today, though.
“Is everything alright, Dr. Lawson?”
“Oh, yes. Perfectly good. I just might delay slightly.” Or change the method.
This is a huge decision, one that I can never take back once certain things are set in motion. A huge part of me is screaming, telling me that this is the right thing to do. But another part of me still isn’t sure.
Hours go by and still, I can’t decide. Instead of forcing myself to keep dwelling on it, I decide to just go to bed. Maybe a good night's sleep will give me the clarity I need.
But as soon as my head hits the pillow, I know that I won’t be able to fall asleep. I can’t even make myself close my eyes.
After a while, I give up. I slide out of the bed and plop myself down on the desk chair near the window.
I stare out at the night sky, begging my mind to give me an answer, but it never comes. Instead, I watch the sky slowly go from pitch black to light orange as the sun rises. I catch sight of the palace illuminated by the dawn.
“I can’t stay in this room anymore.”
Without thinking, I grab my jacket and slip on my shoes. I fling the door open and practically run down the hall to the elevator.
As soon as I open the lobby door and step outside, the fresh air hits me in the face. I breathe it in, a small smile spreading across my face.
Around me, people are already starting their day. Going to work, running errands, walking their dogs.
With each step I take, I can practically feel the pressure in my chest lifting. By the time I’m three blocks away, I know exactly what I need to do.
Cedrick and I both want the same thing. Why would I pass that up? He’s a good man, and something tells me that I can trust him. So why choose a stranger over him?
All signs are obviously pointing to Cedrick. I’ve just been ignoring them because I’m scared. Scared that it’s all too good to be true. Scared of regret, the one feeling that all humans do their very best to avoid.
But what kind of mother would I be if I didn’t take the occasional risk? What would I be teaching my future child? I want to be a good role model for them, and running away from the things that scare me is not the way to do that.
