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“I’m sorry, kinda.” Skai looks at me. I tell her and wait for her to comply. “Come here, Nöku Ahi,” I partially ask, mostly demanding and to my surprise and relief she stands and walks to me. When she is close, I stand and wait for her to walk into my arms, “I want a chance with you, Skai. Do you want that, too?”
“I’m scared, Jabarri,”
“I know, Noku Ahi, but I got you. I've been waiting a long time for this. I don't intend to mess it up. I promise to be gentle and patient with you if you promise me the same thing,”
“I don’t know what is going on right now,” she says before resting her forehead on my chest, hiding from me,”
“We are agreeing to be in a relationship,”
“I don’t date men, Jabarri,”
“You aren’t dating me, Skai. As of right now, we are in a full-on relationship. Full fucking stop.”
“And our family and Natalie?” she asks, making me cuss internally because I forgot about both of those things instantly. “She needs you, and my mom and DJ are going to flip their lids about us being together.”
“If it is still okay with you, I would still be her friend until she is ready to tell her family the truth, as far as our family is concerned, I will defer to whatever you want to do. My brothers already know how I feel about you so they definitely wouldn’t be surprised.”
“You know when Uncle Anson and Meghan revealed they were married for years, and no one knew I thought they were crazy, but now I understand why they did what they did. With no one knowing there was no pressure or outside influences, they were able to work on their relationship in relative peace.”
“So, you want to keep us a secret?”
“For a while, yes.”
“And Natalie?”
“I’m okay with you staying her friend; she’ll need you. When my brother threw me under the bus and outed me to my mom, I was blessed that even though it wasn’t what she was expecting, she embraced me, learning about me and even becoming an advocate for me. But apparently, Natalie doesn’t have anyone but you. I wouldn’t ask you to not be there for her, but hear me clearly, Jabarri if we are going to try this, there must be boundaries. There is no need for her to continue to come to family events like she’s your woman anymore, and I’m not going to compete with a fake relationship,”
“I can do that, but keeping it a secret is a short-term thing. We aren’t a dirty secret, and we communicate about everything. There will be no misunderstandings. If something bothers one of us, we talk that shit out, not let it simmer between us and fester until it’s about to rip us apart. If it’s not something we are comfortable with talking about verbally, we will text, video message, or write to each other in a journal or something. We both need to be patient with each other and understanding.”
“Okay, but I really need you to be extra patient with me. I haven’t liked or been in a relationship with a man since I was a young teenager, and I am not very comfortable with men, not even you, so I am asking, please be patient,”
“I got you, can I kiss you?” I ask, pulling her head back to look down at her.
“Plea…” she doesn’t get the rest out before my lips are on hers. I force myself to slow down so I don’t spook her, but her nails dig into my biceps before tunneling into my hair. Feeling the bite of her nails scraping my scalp as she grabs handfuls of it and tugs has me calling on all the willpower I have, and some borrowed, to stop myself from laying her down on this plush rug and fucking her until we are both exhausted and dehydrated. I pull back just in time, cradling her tighter in my arms. I’ve waited years for this, and it was worth it.”
Skai
It has been several weeks since my and Jabarri’s ‘talk’, and our relationship has two speeds, fast and slow, but somehow it works. Knowing him for years makes it kinda easy, but trying to navigate a relationship with him is a whole new territory for us both. We haven’t been physical more than kissing, and he hasn’t pushed me for more. I think he can sense that I am not ready for that. It is so different being with a man. There are days I love it and others I want to punch him in the throat. I walk into my house, throw keys on the counter, and head straight to the refrigerator., I swear I am always ravenous after my therapy appointments but this time I’m prepared. I pull out the ingredients for a ramen bowl when the doorbell rings, and I know it’s Jabarri. He takes one look at me,
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” I say but continue to decide to add, “Sometimes I just feel like going to therapy is a waste of time. I get why Brooklyn felt I might have needed to go, but I really don’t feel like it’s making a difference.”
“Hmm,” he says, walking over to the sink to wash his hands and taking over cooking, ushering me to a stool.
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“Nothing,”
“Jabarri!” I snap at him because I don’t feel like playing these guessing games with him tonight.
“Why don’t you be real in therapy? Maybe you’d feel differently.”
“And how do you know I am not?”
“Because everyone I’ve talked to who went to therapy and talked real shit might have had complaints, but it was never it’s not helping. It may have been they were tired of talking about something, or it’s hard, and they don’t want to face whatever they are dealing with, but never it’s not working. We have been in this unconventional relationship for several weeks, and anything more than kissing damn near freaks you out..”
“So that’s what this is really about! You just want to fuck, and I am moving too slow for you.”
