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“You zoned out for a while,” Prez mutters, brushing hair away from my face with the back of his hand. “Do you want to talk about it?” I shake my head. Pulling away from him, I lose my balance and land straight on my ass. I can’t think straight when I’m being touched, but when I look up and see his face, it makes me want to smack myself.
“I’m fine. I’m just struggling to process everything,” I admit. Bringing my knees to my chest, I rest my head on my legs. He comes to sit next to me, but doesn’t touch me. There must be some shit radiating from me, because he respects the distance I need while keeping me company.
“Do you want to talk about it?” I ponder for a moment. Honesty has always been the route that I take, as I know what it’s like for someone to lie straight to my face. Having grown up in my own form of abuse, I get it.
Taking a deep breath, I decide to just take the plunge.
“You promise not to get mad?”
“Why would I be mad?” Reaching over, I grasp his hand with mine and let them lay in the open space between us.
“I have been having…thoughts,” I start, hesitant to continue. Taking another deep breath, I continue. “While on the way to Vancouver, Leather and I had a moment in the shower. I don’t want to betray her trust, but she was hurt so badly, Prez…”
“It’s okay, you don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.” His thumb runs over the back of my hand, soothing me more than he realizes.
“I saw things that weren’t meant to be seen, or at least she didn’t want them to be out in the open. She opened up to me just slightly…and I fear that I might have taken advantage of her vulnerability. She was struggling, and I was struggling to understand everything that was going on. But Prez, we had a moment. Then one thing led to another and Tornado got involved.” I stop there, and I don’t know if I want to continue.
The one memory of Leather and I together is supposed to be good, not me reliving it because she’s missing and Tornado is lying in a hospital bed right now.
“Keep going,” he orders softly, obviously just as on edge as I am. Though, his feelings will be for a very different reason.
“We…uhm.” Why do I feel like I’m about to admit to cheating on him?
Maybe it’s because I have.
“Knuckles, whatever it is, we can work through it. Feelings arise, and we all do things we don’t realize the consequences for.” That breaks my heart even more, because I honestly didn’t think about the inevitable repercussions of what Tornado, Leather, and I did. I just followed my heart, and now I may be tearing another finalized piece of it away.
“Tornado, Leather, and I had a fling.” The words fly from my mouth, and I avoid looking at Prez all together. I don’t want to see the potential looks he would be wearing. Worst of all, I don’t think I could stand to see any disappointment.
He’s quiet for a while, his thumb still slowly pacing over the back of my hand. I have no idea what would be going through his head right now, and I’m not even sure I want to.
If I were him, I would feel like someone betrayed me.
Chapter Thirty-Four
Prez
He’s worried about that?
Covering my mouth with my hand, I do my best not to laugh at him. I don’t want him to feel like I’m making fun of him, but I could see their sexual tension from a mile away. He knows damn well that I’m not into monogamy, he also knows that I don’t care what he does with himself. Though, I suppose since the shift in our relationship that lines should be drawn. I can understand his fears and frustrations though, because those thoughts had crossed my mind at one point in time.
Thankfully for him, I have no issues with his sexcapades. I debate for several moments on how long I want to draw this out and make him stew for just a little longer. Though, now that I’m thinking about it, I probably should be a little more upset than I am. It makes me slightly question myself and my feelings. Deep down, I know we’re just fine.
“Knuckles,” I sigh, pulling his hand to my lap. He doesn’t look up at me, and he remains unmoving from his current position of legs tucked under his chin while staring off into space. “Onyx,” I press again, fully turning my body to face him. His whole body tenses, not used to us being called by our given names. It’s usually a sign of disrespect unless it’s from someone you know and trust. I will say that he’s one of the few people who can call me by my own name, so I hope the feeling is mutual.
“It’s just too fucking much.” Knuckles turns his head, gazing at me from over his knees. “A line was crossed, and I can’t go back. Plus, there’s the whole thing with Tornado…” His sigh is heavy, one that I rarely ever hear come out of him.
“What thing with Tornado?” My brows furrow. I want to say that it’s the fling he already mentioned, but at the same time, he doesn’t seem too sure. A shallow hole in my stomach starts to form, one that I have not felt in a long time.
“When we heard the bikes going off, Tornado and Leather stayed behind. At first, I thought it was weird when she shut her mic off with him right there, but his mic was still on. He just said that he was sorry. We heard her shout from the background, then he said something about circumstances and that it’s nothing personal. He then said something about working both sides. None of us heard him clearly, then the line filled with static.”
Breath catches in my throat, my head swimming with possibilities. I warned them that someone was coming. I knew that something was happening, but why would Tornado stay behind with her? Flipping between my head are two possibilities. One is that he thought he could protect her. Two is that he was part of orchestrating the pick-up. Which, I suppose could be something…I mean, there is that agreement between Daryn and I.
“Anything else?” I attempt to keep my tone mellow and nonchalant, yet I doubt it’s coming off as chill as I would like.
“It was just so strange. There was a palpable fear that all of us could hear…I don’t think I have ever heard her so scared about anything as she was then.” His face turns red, tears welling in his eyes. He says that he’s never heard her that scared, I have never seen him this upset.
Something definitely isn’t right.
