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“I am no good for you,” I try to say firmly. I know I am failing as tears fall down my cheek. “This will not work. I’m sorry.”
“Why?” she demands.
Why? Because I am not good for you. Because I am damaged. Because life is dark on my side. Because I never expected to walk away.
“I can’t do this.” That is all I can give her.
“I can’t accept it—you need to tell the truth!”
She is digging deep and if I don’t cut her off, then I’ll be pulled back in. I know what I say next will tear her up, but I have no choice.
“There is someone else.” Period.
The line falls silent and I scrunch my eyes shut. I hate myself. There could be no one besides her. She is everything.
“I didn’t—” I start to say more, but she cuts me off.
“Someone else? But…” she stutters. “You never said there was anyone else. You never mentioned—”
“I’m sorry.”
She takes a deep breath. I can only imagine the brokenness. The torment in her eyes. Those beautiful green eyes held such affection.
“I forgive you,” she says tearfully.
She hangs up on me, and I become hostile. That was not the reaction I was expecting. I need her to hate me. I desperately need her to hate me! Forgive me? I throw the phone across the room and watch as it smashes into pieces against the wall. Reaching for things to throw. I become so blinded by my rage, I throw a punch through the wall. I leave my hand inside the wall, just standing there until Kevin appears at my side. His hand rests on my shoulder and his other hand helps bring mine from the wall.
I throw my head against the wall and the contact is not as unbearable as the pain I’ve inflicted on the one person I love.
Kevin pulls me from the wall. I am breathing heavily and letting tears fall. I’ve kept it together for so many years. Kept people at a distance. Resisted any temptation.
I can feel Kevin’s eyes on me.
“It doesn’t have to be this way,” he states. Such optimism from another tattered soul. “Maybe after all of this is over, you guys could give it a shot?”
“Are you insane? Hey, sorry I lied about everything. Name, background, what I do for a living. Hey, Reese, can you love a man who sought to kill people? Purposely destroying lives? But don’t worry, I know I did it once to you, but it won’t happen again!”
“Fair point.” He dips his head.
“I love her,” I whisper. “I can’t drag her down to my depths of hell.”
“She can handle some fire,” he says.
There it is, the optimism that I thought only she could carry. She must get that trait from Kevin.
I shake my head at the thought.
His phone rings, and he apologetically looks at me before he turns to answer it.
“Hey,” he says. “Whoa… well hold on…”
You can hear her speed talking and the pain in her voice.
“Reese…” He tries to get her to stop, but I can hear her weeping. “I will get home as soon as I can. It will be okay.”
I wave him down and point to the door.
“Go!” I say with a bit more force than usual.
