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She faces me, eyes glazed over and with a sorrowful demeanor. “I really wish we could be together.” She wipes a tear from her eyes. “Maybe in a different life?” She sounds almost hopeful.
She drops the match and walks away as the room slowly fills with heat. I laugh sadistically as she walks up the stairs.
“I see you, Agent Grafton! I will get you!” I scream.
She stops midstep and looks at me. “I hope so.”
The room fills with small bundles of flames, and I am pulling at my restraints, looking around for any kind of out. Smoke fills my basement… dungeon, this fucking dungeon! Who the fuck thought a basement was a good place for a torture chamber? I am a dumbass! Haze covers my vision. I desperately need to leave this place. I watch the flames creep up the walls and to the ceiling, the window of opportunity dwindling with each passing second.
Air, I need air. I need her. She said my name. My real name.
CHAPTER 25
SORRY
Reese Grafton
I gently shut the door behind me, all the while feeling the lump in my chest grow. Bittersweet goodbye to a man who changed everything for me. There was so much lust behind his words and no anger. I couldn’t bring myself to tell him I loved him. The only way I could verbalize how much I cared for him was to say his real name. That made him a real person to me. John was sweet, but I always knew Adam was the man to sort out his business. The man. His gentle dominance was thrilling. He isn’t the in-your-face masculine type. He would fuck shit up behind the scenes in hopes you never had to know his dark secrets. I only knew a few and he… I am getting more turned on the more I think about it.
I lean my head against the door, push the lock in place, and take a moment while I evaluate my actions over the years. I dedicated myself to school and work so that one day I could repay Kevin for all he did. Passed every test, every psych interview, every single thing the CIA threw at me. Although, no matter what they teach you at the farm, nothing prepares you for a man like Adam.
I had seen little pieces of him falling through his disguise, but watching his face morph as soon as I called out his real name was the most gratifying moment of our relationship. Relationship? I could laugh at the word. Neither of us was truthful from the beginning, even though it was clear how much we affected the other. What a fucked-up relationship.
I followed Adam home the night he surprised me in my office with dinner. We crossed so many lines that night, but none that I regret. He makes me want to go rogue and run off to unknown places just in the hopes his fingertips would tickle the softest part of my body. I hid out in the woods for a few days and watched Adam and Kevin’s brotherly interactions. There was a calmness in the way Kevin walked throughout the cabin. Since Adam inserted himself in both of our lives, he has become a calmer Kevin. I want to live. Not just existing and working… I want to live. One day when they leave, I would stage a few photos wearing the same clothes I am wearing now to provide for DuPont. Curiosity had gotten the better of me and I had walked through the cabin. It baffled me to find the basement filled with items for Kevin. I didn’t understand and had become so angry that Adam would continue to keep him in the basement like a dog. The more I walked around, the more I saw it was Kevin’s decision. He was an easy book to read, that man. Pristine condition and every item had a place and they were in order.
I sat on Adam’s bed and peered through the room that housed the man behind the mask. Ran my fingers over one another as I imagined him performing all the naughty and pleasuring things he does. I can see his restless nights and it hurts my heart. In the corner of the room is a stack of sheets and blankets. The nightmares clearly come more frequently than I thought.
I’m taking a tremendous risk coming here tonight. I am waiting for Kevin when he arrives back at the cabin. At first, he is surprised, then pissed. I try to explain that I sent all the photos to DuPont as his secret CIA informant. I know DuPont, yet he doesn’t know me. Sometimes leaving a crumb brings in the big rat. My gut tells me that Adam is about to make a stupid decision after breaking up with me. Everything was fine in our fake-facade relationship. The ending of that partnership sparked the endgame I assumed he would go for. I hope and pray DuPont is the sucker I expect and shows Adam the pictures.
Standing on the corner of that street and seeing the explosions—in the pit of my stomach, I knew that it was Adam. Kevin stood dumbfounded, looking up and seeing the glass falling. I wore the look of worry like a champion, but honesty, I just hoped that Adam would survive. I couldn’t let us end that way. Lies, manipulations, secrets, being blown up in a building with DuPont. Adam deserves better than that. He has selflessly given so many years in the service of protecting innocent lives that I’m surprised he hasn’t snapped sooner.
We were in the basement when Adam came home and I ordered Kevin to sit in the corner. He tried to resist, but I convinced him I needed answers from Adam. It’s true, I needed answers, but not about the mission… for me and how he felt. As soon as Adam’s foot hit the ground, the wooden board I found discarded on the side of the basement swung effortlessly against his head. Excessive? Maybe. Kevin fought back about chaining him up while he was unconscious, but I reminded him that this man did the same thing to him. I’ve become pretty good at letting people see what they want to see. Eye for an eye was the easiest way to convince him. I made it a payback game, which got Kevin giddy with excitement, like a child with ice cream. But as soon as Adam was in chains, Kevin’s demeanor changed. He became anxious and brooding, pacing around the room.
Kevin had never seen this side of me. How could I let that happen? I couldn’t stand it if my brother thought less of me. It would’ve been a wave of disappointment. Kevin needed me to depend on him to keep himself going. Giving him a reason for each day. It became the same with Adam. I hated how he looked at me like a broken doll.
With the mask discarded, I faced each man as my true self. I don’t know how Kevin felt, but Adam… the chills that were sent down my spine when Adam demanded that Kevin go upstairs so we could have a moment could easily be my breaking point. Eye contact mixed with the calm, deep voice of dominance. My god, that man continued to be the sexiest thing even though he was tied up and slightly bloodied.
I know how to be an excellent agent for the CIA. We do not leave footprints on the ground. Our families cannot know where we work or what we do, so we become a skeleton of our former selves. No name, just a number. Hell, when we die, all we receive is a bare star on the wall, along with other fallen agents. Nothing to show who we were or what we did.
My training gets the better of me when I reluctantly drop the match. Igniting an inferno coffin for the man I love. Dramatic, I know… but Adam understands it is just our style.
I turn to the living room where Kevin is sitting, leg bouncing up and down. He sees me and quickly stands.
“What the actual hell, Reese? Are you CIA?” he asks. Anger mixed with confusion fills his voice.
“Yeah,” I respond. “I started to be able to take care of you as a thank-you. So now you can finally go do whatever you want to do.”
He shakes his head and mockingly laughs.
“You are serious?” His hands rest on his hips. “The only thing I wanted to do was take care of you!”
“You can barely take care of yourself!” I say matter-of-factly. “Look at you… you can barely get off the hallway floor sometimes!”
I slightly cringe at my words, but I feel my blood pumping through my body with resentment. My saliva tastes of bitterness. Still, after everything, he looks at me with worry. I know what I’m doing. Why can’t he see that?
“You don’t understand.” He paces back and forth, shaking his head. “Reese, let me ask you, have you ever been in combat?”
I bite the inside of my cheek. “No,” I admit.
