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I let out another sigh before finishing my wine.
Maybe I am a fool.
~
“You’re right,” Nat tells me.
She puts her hands on her hips as she stares at the bottom part of her white gown, which has layers upon layers and frankly too many beads and bows. Then she looks at her reflection in the full-length, gold-gilded mirror and pouts.
“I do look like a wedding cake.”
And not one I’d look forward to eating.
“Sorry,” I mumble.
“Don’t be.” She turns to face me. “You’re my maid of honor. One of your duties is to make sure I’m not wearing a hideous dress to my wedding.”
I raise an eyebrow. “It is?”
It seems my list of duties keeps growing every day.
“I’m beginning to think maids of honor should be paid,” I say. “Do you think there are maids of honor for hire?”
“That wouldn’t be honorable, now would it?” Nat plops down beside me and sighs. “But yeah, I get what you mean. Planning for a wedding? Stressful. And to think I have a wedding planner.”
“Well, it is your wedding,” I tell her. “Someone else might make the plans and choose the flowers and all that, but of course you’d still be stressed. After all, it’s your day. It’s your once-in-a-lifetime grand event. You don’t want anything to mess it up.”
“And yet I have no control.” Nat gives another sigh. “A million things can go wrong on my wedding day, and by then it will be too late to make them right.”
“Hey.” I reach for her hand and squeeze it as I look into her eyes. “Everything will be alright. You know how I know? Because even though not everything is under your control, the most important thing is—showing up. All you have to do is show up and Joel will be there waiting for you and everything will be alright.”
The corners of Natalie’s lips curve up into a smile. Then she squeezes my hand back.
“Thanks, Claire. I really was right to choose you to be my maid of honor.”
“You’re welcome.” I give her a smile of my own. “And I’m not sure if I’ve told you this, but I really am glad that you’re the one my brother is marrying.”
“Aw.” She puts her arms around me. “That’s so sweet.”
And true. Honestly, a part of me thought he was never going to get married because he was so busy with work. Also, because he has some weird habits. Plus he was so busy taking care of me—even after I turned sixteen and insisted I could take care of myself—that he didn’t go out on dates or get much experience with women. And yet, somehow, he was able to find himself the perfect woman who’s completely in love with him.
If only fate was as kind to me.
Nat pulls away and gives me a look of concern. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” I answer. “I’m just really glad.”
“But you look sad.” Nat places her hand over mine. “Won’t you tell me why? We are practically sisters, aren’t we? You can tell me anything.”
Still, I say nothing. Yes, we’re practically sisters. Yes, we’ve grown close. But I’ve still only known her for a few years. Besides, she has a wedding coming up. She has a lot on her plate. And she’s happy. I don’t want to spoil her happiness. What kind of maid of honor would I be if I did that?
“It’s nothing,” I tell her again. “Just the holiday blues, I guess.”
She squeezes my hand again. “Are you sure you don’t want to come with Joel and me to my parents’ house for New Year’s? I’m sure they’d love to have you too.”
I shake my head. “No. I’ll stay right here and hang out with some old friends.”
Christy and I already have plans, actually.
“Okay.” Nat nods and lets my hand go. “But can I give you some advice?”
“Sure.”
“I know the holidays can get you down, especially when you don’t have anyone special or a lot of family. I’ve been there before so I know. But your happiness is in your hands. Like you said earlier, there are a lot of things beyond our control, but your own happiness? You get to decide that. You can choose to absorb the happiness around you at this time of year instead of resenting it. And if you feel like there’s something you need to make yourself happy, go for it, no matter how crazy or silly it may seem. You owe it to yourself to be happy, or at least find peace. If you’re the only company you have, you deserve the best company, don’t you think?”
I have to agree. In fact, now that she’s said them out loud, I realize Natalie’s words are exactly the ones that my own mind has been whispering. I just haven’t been paying attention.
This isn’t me. All this worrying and being down, this isn’t me. I’m the kind of person who likes to keep busy, who is always looking for something new and exciting, who finds reasons to smile. I’m not the kind of person who waits. I’m the kind that goes after what she wants, that tries to find ways.
