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“You bet. I even had a customer throw a bowl of food at me. And it was perfectly cooked, too.”
“Wow.”
“What? Surely you didn’t think my life’s been perfect for the past few years. True, I had lots of fun. I had a lot of amazing experiences. But there were bad ones, too.”
“There are always bad ones,” I say.
“Yeah. Inevitable. But we can try not to dwell on them and definitely not let them get in our way.”
“Which is what you did,” I tell her with a look of pride.
“Which is what I did,” she agrees.
She puts her hand on my chest and draws circles over my skin with her fingertip.
“You know, maybe you chose to work at your father’s company. Maybe you didn’t. It doesn’t matter. You can always make a new choice.”
I look at her. “You think I should leave.”
“I think…” She lifts her chin to meet my gaze. “You should do whatever you want to do with your life, whatever makes you happy. Right now, you don’t seem happy.”
“I don’t?”
Claire shakes her head. “No.”
I stare at the ceiling as I gather my thoughts. “I don’t think I’m unhappy. I like my job.”
“But you don’t love it. It doesn’t get you out of bed in the morning…”
“Actually, it does.”
“But does it fill the void in your soul? Does it feel like what you were meant to do? Does it give your existence purpose and meaning?”
“Wow. That’s deep.”
She lifts her head and looks at me. “They’re important questions, Ryker. Maybe they’re the most important questions of all. And I’m not asking them because I’m disappointed in you. I’m not. I’m asking them because I don’t want you to be disappointed in yourself. Because you owe it to yourself not to disappoint yourself. Does that make sense?”
“Yes.” I touch her cheek. “And I know what you’re saying. But right now, I can’t think of anything else to do.”
“Have you tried?” Claire asks.
She really can be persistent sometimes.
“I just don’t want you to get stuck somewhere you don’t want to be just because you’ve grown comfortable there and you feel like there’s no other place for you. There is. You can make a place for yourself somewhere. Anywhere.”
“It’s not just that,” I tell her. “It’s not just me. There are people who have built their careers around me.”
“You mean your brothers?”
“There are people who rely on me. Not just my brothers.”
“I’m sure you’re important to them, but more than that, you are important. You shouldn’t keep yourself from making the most of your life just because you’re worried about what might happen to how others live theirs. They can rely on someone else. You can only rely on yourself to make you happy.”
Now she’s being pushy, but I don’t have the heart to scold her.
“Fine,” I tell her as I stroke her cheek. “When I think of something else I want to do, when I find somewhere else I’d rather be, you’ll be the first to know.”
“But you will try to think of something?” she asks.
I let out a sigh. “Maybe. Maybe when my brain starts working again, which will probably take a few days after how much work it just did.”
“Oh, come on.” Claire nudges my side before resting her head. “It wasn’t your brain that did all that work.”
My eyebrows furrow as I touch her hair. “Are you saying I wasn’t creative enough? I’m offended. I did try various… approaches and techniques, you know.”
“Fine.”
I lift my head to look at her. “Just ‘fine’? Are you saying you’re not satisfied after all?”
“Just shut up.”
She seals my lips with a kiss to make sure of it, then goes back to snuggling against me. I place my arm around her and play with her hair, not saying another word. I thought Claire wasn’t going to anymore either, but after a few moments, she speaks again.
“Did you mean what you said… about not caring what Joel thinks?”
My hand goes still.
Joel. I really wish Claire didn’t have to bring him up when we’re both naked in bed. But now that she has, I have to give her a reply.
“I… think I still care what Joel thinks, no matter what I want to think,” I tell her honestly as I wrap a strand of her hair around my finger. “But I’m just saying I’m not going to let his opinion get in our way.”
“So you’re going to tell him about us, then?”
I don’t answer. I want to say yes, but I’m still not sure I can and I don’t want to lie to her after all the sex we just had.
So I stay silent. Claire doesn’t say anything either.
She’s upset with me. I know it. She’s gathering her thoughts to launch an argument, one I’m sure to lose.
I draw a deep breath. Wait for it.
“You know, you don’t have to tell him,” she says finally.
