AllFreeNovel
Share Us
But I still feel guilty. And not just guilty. I feel frustrated and angry with myself. I feel like the disappointment Claire said I was.
And I miss her. It hasn’t even been twenty-four hours since I last saw her. It hasn’t been forty-eight since we last had sex. And I already miss her.
I lean back against my chair and slap my forehead.
What have I done?
“You look like shit,” Asher tells me as he steps inside my office.
I send him a frown. “Didn’t anyone teach you to knock?”
“Miller told me to.” He sits in front of my desk. “But I wanted to sneak a peek and see if maybe you and Claire were doing something naughty in your office.”
“You mean like what you and Violet do in your office?”
Asher holds a finger to his lips.
Right. Like he wants to keep it secret. What’s the point? Everyone in this building knows about it anyway. It doesn’t matter how many times Ethan told him not to do it. He still does it.
I wouldn’t. I guess that’s what makes him different from me. But that doesn’t mean I’m a coward, does it?
Asher taps his fingers on my desk. “What’s with the long face?”
I sigh.
“Wait. You told Joel, didn’t you? But that’s strange.” He strokes his chin as he stares at my face. “You don’t look like anyone punched you. Did you punch him?”
“No,” I answer. “And no, I didn’t tell him. And I’m not going to.”
“Oh.” Asher nods slowly. “What? You and Claire are just going to keep secretly having hot sex?”
I really regret telling him about the sex now.
“No, we’re not. In fact, Claire and I aren’t going to be seeing each other anymore.”
Asher gives me a puzzled look. “She dumped you?”
I don’t answer, so he comes up with another theory.
“You dumped her.”
This time he’s right. I nod.
His eyebrows remain furrowed. “You chose the guy best friend over the hot sister you’re having sex with? Ryker, what the fuck is wrong with you?”
Great. He thinks I made the wrong decision, too. Now I’m really starting to wonder if maybe I did.
“Joel is my best friend,” I say. “I’m his best man. That’s not something I want to throw away.”
“Didn’t Ethan say you and Joel could still be best friends?”
“Could. But he could very well never talk to me again.”
“Then that’s on him. That’s his loss.” Asher leans forward. “Let me tell you something, little brother. You don’t lose people. If someone wants to stay with you, no matter how hard you try to push them away, they will and there’s nothing you can do about it. And if they want to leave, there’s nothing you can do about that either. There’s nothing you can do to make them stay. So you can’t lose people. Not unless they die. You can’t lose Joel, not unless he himself decides to cut ties with you.”
“Which is exactly what I’m afraid of.”
“If he does that, then he’s not worth keeping,” Asher tells me.
“But he is. He’s a friend worth keeping. He’s my best friend.”
“Not if he doesn’t want to keep you. Not if he doesn’t want you to be happy.”
I say nothing. Most of the time, Asher just teases me and jokes around, but right now, I can tell he’s genuinely concerned about me. And I have to say he’s making complete sense.
“Ryker, if Joel is your best friend, he’ll want you to be happy.”
He did say that.
“He wouldn’t want you to be alone for the rest of your life. If he does, screw him. Do you want to be alone?”
No. I don’t.
“Joel is going to be happily married and he’s going to have kids and he won’t have time to hang out with you, just like Ethan won’t have time to hang out with us, and then you’ll be alone. Is that what you want?”
“No,” I say it out loud this time.
Asher draws a breath. “Then why did you dump Claire?”
I don’t answer. This time, I don’t know the answer. I thought I did, but I don’t anymore. I only know that I made a mistake.
Asher stands up and walks around my desk to squeeze my shoulder.
“Go get her back before it’s too late.”
“It may already be too late,” I reply. “Claire thinks I’m a disappointment and a coward, and maybe she’s right.”
“No, you’re not. You’re a Hawthorne.” He pats my back. “Now, go prove it to her.”
If only it were that easy.
Asher walks to the door but glances over his shoulder on his way out.
“You owe me a drink. But don’t bother if you don’t get Claire back. I don’t drink with cowards and disappointments.”
I frown. So now he’s saying I’m a coward and a disappointment? I thought he said I wasn’t.
He walks out the door. I rest my elbows on my desk and let out a sigh.
