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“What do you want from me? You said everything was true in that file, so I know you have a hundred bimbos to choose from—”
“Sara . . .”
“So what do you want from me?”
He lowered his head. “Why are you so angry?” he asked, his tone almost childlike.
She stopped. Her reaction had surprised her. Why was she yelling at him like this? Why did she feel so strange whenever she was with him—a soaring and yet queasy feeling? Why was she acting so angry when, truth be known, she was so happy he was here? “I’m just confused, Michael. I don’t understand what’s going on.”
He moved closer. “Neither do I, Sara.”
“Why did you come here tonight, Michael? Why aren’t you celebrating with your teammates?”
“I don’t know,” he replied. “I . . . I just wanted to be with you, that’s all.”
And now he had AIDS.
AIDS. The word floated about the room like a poisonous vapor. Sara felt the tears come to her eyes, and once again, she began to cry.
“It’s okay,” Michael whispered to her. “Everything is going to be okay.”
He had not cried a single tear since Harvey and Eric had told them the news two hours ago, and somehow his lack of response was the most terrifying thing. His body had shook, but his eyes stared off, lost, confused, thoughtful. What are you thinking? Sara wondered. What are you feeling right now and why won’t you share it with me?
Harvey and Eric had not yet left the room. Eric sat by the window, staring out over the impatient traffic on One Hundred Sixty-eighth Street. Harvey paced.
“I want the truth,” Michael said now, his hand tightening against Sara’s. “Can you cure this or not?”
Harvey stopped and turned toward Michael. His gaze met Eric’s for a split second before resting on Michael’s face. “We want to give it a try. We believe it’s very possible.”
“Then let’s do it.”
Harvey nodded. “I’ll have you transferred to the clinic today.”
“Today?” Sara said. “Can’t it wait—”
“No,” Harvey replied. “It can’t wait. The earlier we start treatment, the better. I want to warn you both now that this treatment is not pretty. You will be hooked on SR1 and the side effects will be painful and unpleasant. For a while you will be a junkie, Michael. You will feel as though you need the fix or you’ll die. And you’ll be right.”
The room slid gently back into silence.
“You two better go now,” Michael said. “You must have a thousand things to do.”
Harvey signaled to Eric and they both moved toward the exit. As Harvey opened the door, he turned back toward Michael. “Think about what I said earlier, okay? You can do a lot of good.”
Michael nodded. The moment they left, Sara threw her arms around Michael again, but he stiffened, his body cold and hard . . . like a corpse.
“Michael?”
“I’m sorry,” he said. His eyes shifted around the room, moving quickly from item to item as though looking for an easy exit. Sara rested her head against Michael’s chest, and they stayed that way in silence for a very long time. The only sound Sara could hear was Michael’s steady breathing, her head rising and falling with his chest.
Finally, Michael spoke. “You should go, Sara,” he said. “You have your story to do.”
“I’m not going anywhere.”
“You have to,” Michael said. “The story is too important.”
“I’ll get Donald Parker to do it.”
He shook his head. “You should do it.”
“To hell with the story, Michael. I want to stay with you.”
Michael did not say anything for another ten minutes. He just remained silent, his lips curling around his teeth. “Sara, I’m not sure I want you to go through this.”
“You don’t have any choice,” she replied. “And don’t you dare play the brave martyr with me, Michael. You’re not going to die. You’re not going to leave me and the baby here alone without you.”
He smiled sadly and patted her stomach. “We have Junior here to think of.”
“That’s right.”
“Sara?”
“Yes?”
“I’ve been thinking about this for the past few hours,” he said. “And I want to go public with this.”
“What?”
“What they said makes sense—”
“They should have never said anything,” Sara said. “This is no time for you to be making decisions, Michael. You’re vulnerable right now.”
He smiled again, sweetly, sadly. “What’s the point of delaying the inevitable, Sara? You know we have no choice.”
Fear wrapped around her neck like a cold scarf. “Please, Michael, think this through more. Don’t just throw away . . .”
“Throw away what?” he asked. “It’s over, Sara. There’s nothing to throw away. I never let you do the story on the physical abuse I suffered as a child, and that was a selfish thing to do.”
“Michael . . .”
“No, let me finish. It’s really strange, Sara. When Harvey told me the results of the test, my thoughts became frighteningly clear. I’ve been thinking this whole thing through. Harvey and Eric didn’t say too much, but I know where they stand. They want me to go public with this.”
“Give it a little time,” Sara said. “You just heard. There’s a lot of things to consider here. Think for a second about the discrimination. People will hate you for it. The NBA will probably say you’re too much of a health threat to ever step on the court again, even if the virus goes into remission.”
“So what? Look, I’m not a brave man. Maybe you were right all those years ago. Maybe the story of my childhood would have helped people understand child abuse, but—I don’t know—I just couldn’t live through it again. I didn’t have the strength.”
“It’s okay,” she said. “It’s not your fault.”
“But, Sara, this is too big, too important. I can’t just sit back again. I think Harvey knows that. He sees what his cure can do for people and so he puts everything else on hold. You heard what he said. The publicity from my case could have the biggest effect on the AIDS epidemic since Rock Hudson died. I can’t just walk away from that.”
She just held him, her eyes squeezed shut.
