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He punctuates his words with a small laugh, and that sound is louder than a gun being shot right next to my ear and does just as much damage. My vision tunnels, I see spots, and my legs no longer want to support my body, but for some reason, they do, and I don’t know how I’m not curled up in the fetal position in the dirt right now. Everything I’ve always wanted is happening right before my eyes. Shepherd Oliver wants to date me! But it’s all bullshit, and I’m so tired of trying to shut everything off when someone cuts me.
“Well, aren’t I just the luckiest girl in the world that you got dumped,” I whisper when my brain finally catches up to what is happening right now and I remember how to speak. I shake my head at him as the stupid tears I told myself I wouldn’t cry spill over onto my cheeks. “Shepherd Oliver is on the rebound and wants to date little ole me.”
“That’s not what I—”
“God, do you have any idea how long I’ve waited to hear those words from you?” I ask, cutting him off and swiping angrily at the wetness on my cheeks. “Since I was thirteen years old and you told me I looked pretty when you stopped by the Dip and Twist.”
I watch as his body jolts in surprise, and I don’t even give him time to fully recover from what I just said before much more than tears start pouring out of me. Fifteen years of word vomit comes out right along with them.
“But you were the outgoing, popular jock surrounded by people, and I was the boring, quiet girl who blended in with the wallpaper, who always forgot how to speak when you were around,” I sob as Shepherd’s mouth drops open in shock, and I take another step back from him. “I wanted you in high school, and every time I watched you play on TV after that, and I still wanted you a year ago through every single one of those messages, and it’s no coincidence I decided to get drunk and have a one-night-stand for the first and last time on the very same night you were drafted to play for Washington, so you can just go to hell with asking me out now because you got dumped! I’ve waited more than half my life for you to finally see me and finally want me, and I’m so glad it’s cool now and she broke up with you, but I deserve better than to be someone’s second choice just because he’s bored and lonely. So no, I don’t want to go to dinner with you, and I don’t want to date you, because my mother raised me better than this. I deserve better than being someone’s fucking consolation prize, no matter how goddamn good he is with a glue gun.”
I don’t even care when a sound comes out of Shepherd unlike anything I’ve ever heard before that almost brings me to my knees and stops me from walking away. Part sob, part growl, part someone just stabbed him with a knife. It’s painful and it’s heart-wrenching and it perfectly matches the look on his face that I don’t care about either, as I turn around and walk away, leaving him in the dirt behind home plate.
“Wren!”
I hear Shepherd shout my name, and I pick up the pace, flinging open the gate and exiting the field.
“How in the hell could you have ever been a consolation prize, when I didn’t even know you were a goddamn choice!”
My feet stutter at his words when I reach the sidewalk, but I quickly recover and keep right on walking. Because maybe I do still care, but I just can’t handle it right now.CHAPTER 8Shepherd
“You caught my heart.”Official Shepherd Oliver: Testing, testing, is this thing on? Hey, all you cool cats and kittens!
Official Shepherd Oliver: Okay, probably not the time for jokes. I don’t even know if you check your messages on here anymore or not, but I have to try something. You won’t answer my texts or my phone calls. There was a small, contained fire in my driveway last night, and now I can’t find my new Nike hoodie, so I’m assuming I can’t ask Tess about you. And Birdie said she really wanted to talk to me, but sister code prevented her from doing so. I’m trying to give you some space. Otherwise, you can bet your sweet ass I would be on your doorstep right now. Fuck, Wren… How could you just say something like that to me and then walk away?
Official Shepherd Oliver: I’m sorry. I’m not mad at you. I’m mad at myself, not you. NEVER you. I never should have let you walk away. I was just in shock. All of this is on me, because I’m a fucking dumbass. I just promised your son a few nights ago that I would never hurt you again, and not more than 24 hours later, I broke that promise. I’m sorry. And I’m sorry I keep giving you reasons that I have to apologize. Everything I wanted to say came out all wrong the other day. I can’t believe you actually thought… Actually, I can. Because I’m a dumbass who doesn’t know how to use words. Please, talk to me, Wren.
