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“I am not a quitter, Wren! I’ll get it right. Just let me keep trying.”
“All of this trying is starting to get painful. Slow and gentle, Shepherd. Stop rushing it.”
“The more you tell me to slow down, the faster it just makes me want to go.”
“And look what happens. You try to cram it in there without any finesse and ruin everything. You are so out of practice.”
“Look, it’s been a while for me, Wren, okay? You need to just be patient and let me find my groove.”
“Here, let me show you. I’ll just place my hand on top of yours and… there we go. See? Just gently press it right in there. Now tap it lightly a few times. Yaaas, just like that. Mmm, that’s nice.”
“People are staring.”
“Let them stare. You finally made a cone without breaking the damn thing into a million pieces in your hand by slamming the ice cream down on top of it with the scoop.”
“There’s a line of customers waiting. I was trying to be quick and efficient. Remind me again why I thought helping you out up at the Dip and Twist tonight would be a good idea for a date?”
“Because you’re sweet and when you found out I was getting a shipment of ice cream tonight, you basically demanded to come help me. Which is probably a good thing. Bending over that chest freezer all night with my butt in the air because I can’t touch the ground is annoying. Shepherd? Are you okay? You look flushed all of a sudden and like you might pass out.”
“I’m fine. I’m great. I’m just perfect. Why do you ask? Who wants ice cream?”“This is insane. Absolutely insane. You know that, right? You can’t just have someone land a helicopter wherever you want on Summersweet and pick us up.”
“Actually, I can. And I did. Now just hold on tight and enjoy the sunset view while we fly around the island. If the headphones are too tight, you can adjust them.”
“You have to stop spoiling me. This is crazy.”
“What’s crazy is that it took me so long to do something completely disgusting and obnoxious with my money. But it couldn’t be more perfect that I waited, because you deserve all of the disgusting and obnoxious things.”
“Um… thanks?”
“That sounded better in my head. Okay, get ready to look out your window in about ten seconds for your next surprise.”
“Shepherd! Seriously, the new pair of white Converse you had delivered to the cottage this morning, the masseuse you sent by to give me an hour massage when I got home from work, and the sunset helicopter ride are more than enough. You didn’t have to… draw a giant penis in the sand that I can see from up here?”
“What? No! It’s not a…. Son of a bitch, it is. I knew I shouldn’t have left Bodhi in charge of writing the message in the sand for me.”
“I mean, it’s very anatomically correct. So much detail. Wow, he even used rocks in a spray coming out of the tip. That’s pretty artistic. Can you have the pilot circle back around? What was he supposed to write?”
“He was supposed to write ‘You’re my home.’”
“That’s very sweet and romantic.”
“It certainly was.”
“Knowing Bodhi, he took that literally. You know, the whole baseball analogy of sliding into home. Get it? Giant penis… sliding into—”
“Yep, got it, great! What time did you say we needed to pick Owen up from your mom’s house?”
“I didn’t. We don’t have to—”
“Oh but we do! We’ve been neglecting him. I don’t want him to hate me for taking his mom away from him all the time.”
“I mean, when you put it that way….”“Mom, Dad, you remember Wren—”
“Young lady, you get right over here and let me give you a hug for all the bullshit my son has put you through. Do you like meatloaf and chicken pot pie? I brought you some for your freezer.”
“Any chance those are my meatloaf and chicken pot pie, Mom?”
“Shut up, you big pussy.”
“Mom! Come on, Dad, help me out here.”
“I don’t know what you want me to do. I still think the poor girl needs to have her head examined for slumming it with you. No offense, Wren.”
“Quite all right, sir.”
“None of that sir bullshit. Call me Simon or call me Dad.”
“Well then, dinner will be ready in just a few minutes, Simon. Probably right when Owen gets home from his friend’s house. If you guys want to make yourselves comfortable, I’ll—”
“Sweetheart, sit down and relax. I’ll get dinner.”
“Shepherd, I can—”
“Sit. Relax. I got this.”
“There we go. There’s the man we raised to not be a pussy. Sorry for the delay, Wren. We’ll just be out on the deck, enjoying the view. Call us when dinner is ready!”
“I’m glad you’re finding so much humor in how highly my parents think of me.”
