AllFreeNovel
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Wow, I suck. I really, really suck, and I have no idea why Bodhi keeps asking me to marry him. I am the worst.
Swallowing back the tears, I take a deep, determined breath, knowing I need to make things right. Especially since this is probably my last Christmas on earth, and I should go out with a bang. And you know, because I love my boyfriend and want to make him happy.
“Millie, it seems Bodhi and I are going to be extremely busy all day tomorrow. How would you feel about doing a little last-minute shopping for me while we’re out?”CHAPTER 9Tess
“Your presents is requested.”“Hold on, you’re serious? You’ll let me do whatever Christmassy things I want, all day today?”
“That is correct.”
“And you won’t complain.”
“I won’t light anything on fire; I never said I wouldn’t complain. Now you’re just talking crazy.”
“Oh my God.”
“Are you okay? Do you need to sit down?”
“I just… I’m just so happy, and I don’t know what to do first. Holy shit, it’s only eight in the morning, and we have so much time for so many Christmas activities!”
“Oh, fuck me.”
“Hey, that was first on my list too! Take your pants off.”
“Sorry, I lied. I’m gonna need to burn something first.”
“Fine. I’ll allow one tiny hippo ornament, but we have to replace it while we’re out doing activities, and—No! Tess Corinne Powell, don’t you dare burn that…. Okaaay, so I guess we’ll be replacing the bedspread and the curtains while we’re out.”“I need more green frosting, STAT!”
“Will you stop it? You’re going to get us in trouble. Allie gave us a strict list of instructions, with photos, for how we’re supposed to be doing these.”
“Have I told you lately how adorable you are for letting us join in on the Christmas cookie decorating brunch?”
“Call me adorable one more time, and I will slit your throat with this butter knife.”
“You know it just turns me on when you threaten me with utensils. Stop dilly-dallying and hand me the green frosting.”
“No. You are hereby prohibited from frosting any more tiny joints in all the Santa cookie mouths.”
“Come on, these are artistic AF. You’re smothering my creativity, man.”“Where… where did all the Skittles go? I need them for the walkway.”
“Sorry. I got the munchies. Are you gonna use the rest of those red and green gum drops?”
“Will you focus, Bodhi? God, will you look at this masterpiece? It’s fucking glorious with the icicles I piped on the roof, and the stained-glass windows I made with melted-down Jolly Ranchers, and the candy cane walkway, and the trees I made with green, chocolate-covered pretzels with Red Hots for ornaments. Barb and Eugene think they’ve got this thing in the bag with their stupid licorice fence and their dumb snowman made out of coconut. Go over there and knock out one of their table legs.”
“Who knew Tess Powell could be so vicious about a gingerbread house competition? My dick is totally hard right now.”
“When is your dick not hard?”
“You’re right though.”
“I need the other three tubs of frosting and the red and green M&M’s for the chimney. Where are all the M&M’s?”
“Sorry… munchies.”
“All of it? Including the frosting?”
“I mean, I worked up an appetite fucking you like a champ in the shower this morning, in case you’ve forgotten, and then we skipped breakfast so I could show you the proper way to make snow angels. And you know, all that weed I smoked with Sheldon while you were apologizing to Allie about the stoned Santa cookies. Turns out, he’s not so scary when I’m high, and it’s just kind of ironic he keeps power tools, duct tape, and an eighty-five-foot length of rope in his trunk.”
“Just hand me that last gingerbread wall so I can finish the garage.”
“Yeah, about that….”
“That’s it! Go stand in the corner and think about what you’ve done. But if you ram your elbow into Barb and Eugene’s roof on the way over there, I’ll think about releasing you from time-out early for good behavior.”“Sit on the curb, watch the Christmas parade, and stop racing out into traffic. That’s exactly how you got hit by the Polar Express train on Summersweet.”
“But everyone else is racing out there to get candy!”
“You do not need to pick up every piece of candy the people in the parade throw out to the crowd. You already have a bag full of candy, and you just tripped a toddler to grab a Blow Pop before she did.”
“She’s three! What the fuck was she gonna do with a sucker that has gum in the middle, blow a bubble while she’s drinking her bottle?”
“Do you even hear the words coming out of your mouth?”
“Uuuggghhh, fine! But if one of the floats starts throwing out Reese’s Christmas trees, you better get that kid out of my way. Hello? Nut allergies? I’ll basically be saving her life.”
