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I do another horrid pirouette once we’re inside, although the doorman’s attention is already elsewhere. Not that it really matters. I can already tell that it’s going to be a good night.
House and techno music blasts any stray thought out of my head, while the crowd looks more cool than douchey.
Hannah gets us some Caesars, and I down mine almost immediately, hardly tasting the tomatoey goodness. Tonight, I’m not drinking for the taste, after all.
She gives me a sympathetic side-eye. “That bad, eh?”
“I just…” I can feel the words bubbling in me, floundering angrily. “I didn’t see it coming, is all. I mean, I did and I didn’t.”
She nods sagely. “I understand perfectly.”
I have to laugh. “No, you don’t.”
She laughs. “No, I don’t. But Greyson is a jerk, whatever you think.”
“He’s just trying to protect the company—and me. If other media outlets pick up this story and it goes viral it could ruin my reputation and career. With me fired, the small story will probably blow over. I could still have a fighting chance. Greyson at least said he’d give me a glowing reference, recommend me to his friends.” Seeing Hannah’s dubious look, I shrug. “It’s the smart thing to do. What was stupid was for me to hook up with him in the first place.”
“You’re talking all logical, but looking all miserable,” Hannah says sympathetically.
“My head’s all sorted out,” I agree. “Now, if I could just get my heart on board…”
I get us a few more drinks and sip mine, shaking my head. “I’m just disappointed in myself, I guess. I thought I was this strong person who could just march through life without being thrown by anything. But how all the other people at work were shunning me, and now this, how hard it’s hitting me… it’s making me rethink all that. Maybe I’m not as invincible as I thought.”
Hannah’s hand on my shoulder is light yet reassuring. “Hey. None of us are as invincible as we thought.”
I sigh. “I know, Han. But it’s me—I mean, remember how I went toe to toe with Annabelle Leigh in front of the entire class, and just laughed when she and her bitch friends tried to get me back by flushing my student card down the toilet? Remember how many guys I’ve dated and dumped or who things just didn’t work out with and I didn’t give a damn? Remember how many parties and guys and opportunities I sacrificed to be the best at what I do? And now, what it comes down to is this: I threw away my dream opportunity because of some hot guy.”
“Some hot guy you have a crazy connection with,” Hannah pipes in.
“Not crazy enough to try and make it work,” I murmur, shaking my head. “I just—I guess I’m worried I’m not that person anymore. I mean, it sounds conceited, but I’ve never been dumped before, Han. Never been fired. Of course I’ve had people dislike me, but… this feels different. I just can’t get my head around why I risked everything to be with this man. This man who wouldn’t do the same for me.”
“Stop,” Hannah chides me. She puts her hand to stop my glass from making it to my mouth. Clearly, she sees how I’ve been drinking not just to get drunk, but to get obliterated. Not that it’s really helping, so far. “You couldn’t have known how things would turn out.”
I look at her head-on, moving my hand so I can down the rest of my fruity drink. “Come on. I knew how this would end. Bosses don’t end up with their employees. End of story. Relationships at work just make everything messy. Everyone knows that.”
“You did it and it’s done,” Hannah says. “What’s the point of beating yourself up about it now?”
Putting down my cup on a nearby ledge, I throw up my hands, glaring at the disco ball overhead, which is currently throwing an annoyingly vibrant blue beam into my eyes every few seconds. The air smells musky, human, and even, if I was in the mood, sultry. I am not in the mood. I don’t want to be here.
I turn to her. “Because I’m trying to figure it out. What made Greyson so…” Ugh, I hate the word, but it’s coming out whether I like it or not, “Special. I’ve dated other guys who are hot, funny, fun, rich. Guys other girls would kill to date. And sure, Greyson is an amazing catch too. But still. Why risk it all on the one guy who it can’t work out with? It doesn’t make any sense.”
“Love never does,” Hannah says simply.
“That’s not… we weren’t…” How I felt in his arms. The glint in his eyes when he was looking at me, a second before he looked away. I had a feeling that being with you would make anything good. I shake my head. “It doesn’t matter, anyway.”
