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I had to tell him the truth. The real reason that things went pear-shaped after I married Clara. “I told you certain things to gently get you used to the idea that you would have a stepmom in the house. I knew that it was going to be difficult for you. I didn't want you to feel like I was replacing your mother.”
“I was fifteen; you didn’t have to sugarcoat it for me. Mom had been dead five years; I knew that eventually you would move on,” Colt shrugs his shoulders as if it's not big deal, but deep down, I know that transition wasn't that easy for him.
I shake my head and continue, “It wasn’t as simple as that. Clara was interested in investments. At the time I even thought that she loved me. When it was clear that this was just a financial arrangement between us, I invested. I grew the business and she did whatever she felt like.”
Colt shakes his head. He looks stunned. “Wait a minute, take a step back; do you mean that she had other men?”
Telling the truth is a tricky thing. Sometimes it feels like you're swallowing a cactus and you're fucking sitting there, watching it settle in your gut and trying to talk at the same time. Right now is no exception. I feel ashamed to admit it, but I also feel like Colt deserves to hear the truth “She did.”
“So, why marry then? She didn’t need to marry you for anything.”
I laugh, “Thanks Colt.”
He shakes his head. “I didn’t mean it like that. I just meant, if she wanted to be with other men and you knew this then why did you both get married?”
“Whenever you step into McDonald’s do you expect the burger in the picture to be the same as the one that you order? The one that they actually give to you?”
“Fuck no!”
“Well, that’s what marriage is like. There is this billboard—”
“—Like McDonald’s?”
I laugh at the idea that of all the analogies I could've used, I choose the one place that I love to hate. “Yes, like McDonald’s. You start thinking that it’ll be like that. Perfect. And even when you realize that it isn’t, you still stick it out. No matter how many times the burgers are different from the picture, you still go back and you still order from there. There's still something that tastes good about it too, during the act of eating it … and it's only later that you wonder what the fuck you've done.”
“Alright, enough of the McDonald’s comparisons. I get it; I understand where you’re coming from. I suppose that’s the reason that I’m thinking that I’ll never get married. One thing's for sure, Daniel. You’ve shown me that marriage is a fool’s game and I refuse to play it.”
I hate to actually agree with him, but he has a point. “I just never expected it to end so soon.”
“One year!” Colt exclaims.
At this point, both of us are lost in our uneasy thoughts. I’m too busy thinking about what to do next. He seems to be willing to hand everything over because he thinks that Karen wants to be with me.
“Colt, you’ve got a bright future in front of you. And I think Karen wants to be with you. I just don’t want to fight anymore. You’ve got my blessing and I want you guys to be happy. You two are good for each other.”
Colt’s just about to say something when Karen walks in. I didn't even hear her approach.
Immediately she says, “You guys have got this all wrong. I don’t want one of you.”
I see Colt’s eyes go dark. And disappointment clouds my soul.
But Karen continues. “I want both of you.”
We both stand up and look at each other. She looks tired, as if she's spent the night on the street. I’m glad that she’s okay, but then I realize that I’m confused about her statement. It’s clear that I’m not the only one because Colt repeats, “Both of us?”
She drops her jacket on the table and says, “Yes.”
Colt and I sit back down, but Karen doesn’t. She parts her wet lips in a smile and leaves the office just as fast as she entered it only seconds ago.15KarenDaniel and Colt, both arguing about who gets to stay with me? Who do they think I am? I’m not something they can sell and buy, and I sure as hell won’t allow them to decide what happens to me… or with my body.
Besides, I’m the one holding all the cards right now. They both want me, and I want them both; if there’s a choice to be made, I’m the one responsible for it. And, like I told them, my choice is a simple one: I want them both. And there’s something else too - but I can’t quite put my finger on it. There’s a certain tension between them, and it has nothing to do with me.
