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‘You mustn’t,’ she admonished herself sternly. ‘Don’t be a snivelling little idiot. You’re panicking – that’s what you’re doing – panicking. No good ever came of giving way to panic. It’s quite early in the day still and lots of things may happen. Aunt Mary ought to be good for a fortnight anyway. Come on, girl, step out, and don’t keep your well-to-do relations waiting.’
She walked down Edgware Road, across the park, and then down to Victoria Street, where she turned into the Army and Navy Stores. She went to the lounge and sat down glancing at her watch. It was just half past one. Five minutes sped by and then an elderly lady with her arms full of parcels bore down upon her.
‘Ah! There you are, Joyce. I’m a few minutes late, I’m afraid. The service is not as good as it used to be in the luncheon room. You’ve had lunch, of course?’
Joyce hesitated a minute or two, then she said quietly: ‘Yes, thank you.’
‘I always have mine at half past twelve,’ said Aunt Mary, settling herself comfortably with her parcels. ‘Less rush and a clearer atmosphere. The curried eggs here are excellent.’
‘Are they?’ said Joyce faintly. She felt that she could hardly bear to think of curried eggs – the hot steam rising from them – the delicious smell! She wrenched her thoughts resolutely aside.
‘You look peaky, child,’ said Aunt Mary, who was herself of a comfortable figure. ‘Don’t go in for this modern fad of eating no meat. All fal-de-lal. A good slice off the joint never did anyone any harm.’
Joyce stopped herself from saying, ‘It wouldn’t do me any harm now.’ If only Aunt Mary would stop talking about food. To raise your hopes by asking you to meet her at half past one and then to talk of curried eggs and slices of roast meat – oh! cruel – cruel.
‘Well, my dear,’ said Aunt Mary. ‘I got your letter – and it was very nice of you to take me at my word. I said I’d be pleased to see you anytime and so I should have been – but as it happens, I’ve just had an extremely good offer to let the house. Quite too good to be missed, and bringing their own plate and linen. Five months. They come in on Thursday and I go to Harrogate. My rheumatism’s been troubling me lately.’
‘I see,’ said Joyce. ‘I’m so sorry.’
‘So it’ll have to be for another time. Always pleased to see you, my dear.’
‘Thank you, Aunt Mary.’
‘You know, you do look peaky,’ said Aunt Mary, considering her attentively. ‘You’re thin, too; no flesh on your bones, and what’s happened to your pretty colour? You always had a nice healthy colour. Mind you take plenty of exercise.’
‘I’m taking plenty of exercise today,’ said Joyce grimly. She rose. ‘Well Aunt Mary, I must be getting along.’
Back again – through St James’s Park this time, and so on through Berkeley Square and across Oxford Street and up Edgware Road, past Praed Street to the point where the Edgware Road begins to think of becoming something else. Then aside, through a series of dirty little streets till one particular dingy house was reached.
Joyce inserted her latchkey and entered a small frowsy hall. She ran up the stairs till she reached the top landing. A door faced her and from the bottom of this door a snuffling noise proceeded succeeded in a second by a series of joyful whines and yelps.
‘Yes, Terry darling – it’s Missus come home.’
As the door opened, a white body precipitated itself upon the girl – an aged wire-haired terrier very shaggy as to coat and suspiciously bleary as to eyes. Joyce gathered him up in her arms and sat down on the floor.
‘Terry darling! Darling, darling Terry. Love your Missus, Terry; love your Missus a lot!’
And Terry obeyed, his eager tongue worked busily, he licked her face, her ears, her neck and all the time his stump of a tail wagged furiously.
‘Terry darling, what are we going to do? What’s going to become of us? Oh! Terry darling, I’m so tired.’
‘Now then, miss,’ said a tart voice behind her. ‘If you’ll give over hugging and kissing that dog, here’s a cup of nice hot tea for you.’
‘Oh! Mrs Barnes, how good of you.’
Joyce scrambled to her feet. Mrs Barnes was a big, formidable-looking woman. Beneath the exterior of a dragon she concealed an unexpectedly warm heart.
‘A cup of hot tea never did anyone any harm,’ enunciated Mrs Barnes, voicing the universal sentiment of her class.
Joyce sipped gratefully. Her landlady eyed her covertly.
‘Any luck, miss – ma’am, I should say?’
Joyce shook her head, her face clouded over. ‘Ah!’ said Mrs Barnes with a sigh. ‘Well, it doesn’t seem to be what you might call a lucky day.’
Joyce looked up sharply.
‘Oh, Mrs Barnes – you don’t mean –’
Mrs Barnes was nodding gloomily. ‘Yes – it’s Barnes. Out of work again. What we’re going to do, I’m sure I don’t know.’
‘Oh, Mrs Barnes – I must – I mean you’ll want –’
‘Now don’t you fret, my dear. I’m not denying but that I’d be glad if you’d found something – but if you haven’t – you haven’t. Have you finished that tea? I’ll take the cup.’
‘Not quite.’
‘Ah!’ said Mrs Barnes accusingly. ‘You’re going to give what’s left to that dratted dog – I know you.’
‘Oh, please, Mrs Barnes. Just a little drop. You don’t mind really, do you?’
‘It wouldn’t be any use if I did. You’re crazy about that cantankerous brute. Yes, that’s what I say – and that’s what he is. As near as nothing bit me this morning, he did.’
‘Oh, no, Mrs Barnes! Terry wouldn’t do such a thing.’
‘Growled at me – showed his teeth. I was just trying to see if there was anything could be done to those shoes of yours.’
‘He doesn’t like anyone touching my things. He thinks he ought to guard them.’
‘Well, what does he want to think for? It isn’t a dog’s business to think. He’d be well enough in his proper place, tied up in the yard to keep off burglars. All this cuddling! He ought to be put away, miss – that’s what I say.’
‘No, no, no. Never. Never!’
‘Please yourself,’ said Mrs Barnes. She took the cup from the table, retrieved the saucer from the floor where Terry had just finished his share, and stalked from the room.
‘Terry,’ said Joyce. ‘Come here and talk to me. What are we going to do, my sweet?’
She settled herself in the rickety armchair, with Terry on her knees. She threw off her hat and leaned back. She put one of Terry’s paws on each side of her neck and kissed him lovingly on his nose and between his eyes. Then she began talking to him in a soft low voice, twisting his ears gently between her fingers.
‘What are we going to do about Mrs Barnes, Terry? We owe her four weeks – and she’s such a lamb, Terry – such a lamb. She’d never turn us out. But we can’t take advantage of her being a lamb, Terry. We can’t do that. Why does Barnes want to be out of work? I hate Barnes. He’s always getting drunk. And if you’re always getting drunk, you are usually out of work. But I don’t get drunk, Terry, and yet I’m out of work.
‘I can’t leave you, darling. I can’t leave you. There’s not even anyone I could leave you with – nobody who’d be good to you. You’re getting old, Terry – twelve years old – and nobody wants an old dog who’s rather blind and a little deaf and a little – yes, just a little – bad-tempered. You’re sweet to me, darling, but you’re not sweet to everyone, are you? You growl. It’s because you know the world’s turning against you. We’ve just got each other, haven’t we, darling?’
Terry licked her cheek delicately.
‘Talk to me, darling.’
Terry gave a long lingering groan – almost a sigh, then he nuzzled his nose in behind Joyce’s ear.
‘You trust me, don’t you, angel? You know I’d never leave you. But what are we going to do? We’re right down to it now, Terry.’
She settled back further in the chair, her eyes half closed.
‘Do you remember, Terry, all the happy times we used to have? You and I and Michael and Daddy. Oh, Michael – Michael! It was his first leave, and he wanted to give me a present before he went back to France. And I told him not to be extravagant. And then we were down in the country – and it was all a surprise. He told me to look out of the window, and there you were, dancing up the path on a long lead. The funny little man who brought you, a little man who smelt of dogs. How he talked. “The goods, that’s what he is. Look at him, ma’am, ain’t he a picture? I said to myself, as soon as the lady and gentleman see him they’ll say: ‘That dog’s the goods!’”
‘He kept on saying that – and we called you that for quite a long time – the Goods! Oh, Terry, you were such a darling of a puppy, with your little head on one side, wagging your absurd tail! And Michael went away to France and I had you – the darlingest dog in the world. You read all Michael’s letters with me, didn’t you? You’d sniff them, and I’d say – “From Master,” and you’d understand. We were so happy – so happy. You and Michael and I. And now Michael’s dead, and you’re old, and I – I’m so tired of being brave.’
Terry licked her.
‘You were there when the telegram came. If it hadn’t been for you, Terry – if I hadn’t had you to hold on to . . .’
She stayed silent for some minutes.
‘And we’ve been together ever since – been through all the ups and downs together – there have been a lot of downs, haven’t there? And now we’ve come right up against it. There are only Michael’s aunts, and they think I’m all right. They don’t know he gambled that money away. We must never tell anyone that. I don’t care – why shouldn’t he? Everyone has to have some fault. He loved us both, Terry, and that’s all that matters. His own relations were always inclined to be down on him and to say nasty things. We’re not going to give them the chance. But I wish I had some relations of my own. It’s very awkward having no relations at all.
