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I stay there for another few minutes, until I've got my cool back.
A few stray thoughts about Landon aren't the end of the world. Even if I'd really, really rather they weren't there.
All that matters now is that Madison has a good rest of the afternoon with her mom, until it's time for a sleepover at Grandma's. Part of me almost wants to cancel, to have Madison to myself, but I know my mom looks forward to these weekly sleepovers basically as soon as Madison leaves her house the week before. She even plans out activities and what book she'll read Madison days in advance. I think she misses being a mom.
After me, her and Dad tried having more kids, but it was no dice.
At Mom's, Madison races into her cookie-smelling house, hollering, "GRRRAAAAANDMAAAAS!". After a big bear hug, Mom sends her into the kitchen for cookies, then gives me a careful, annoyingly knowing look. "You're still seeing that man."
"Mom."
She knows I don't want to go there with her. At all.
Last time I listened to her love advice, I got my heart broken. Maybe it wasn't her fault, but at any rate, I'm under enough stress right now without having her thinking I've lost it for dating Landon again. Or going on dates with him again. Whatever you'd call this.
"Well, you just have fun, dear."
"Mom." I give her another glare. "Tonight, it's going to be me and Pirate Johnny Depp."
"Oh." I can't tell whether she looks disappointed or pleased. Mom's had a tough time trusting men since Dad. "Well, you do know he's single now." A wink.
I roll my eyes, smiling. "Yeah, I'll get right on that, Mom."
As I walk away to my car, though, Johnny Depp is the last thing on my mind. The first is Landon.
Since I ignored his last two texts, he's sent a few more, plus called. Damn it, he's really not going to let this drop, is he?
Do you really want him to? an obnoxious voice in my head asks.
I drive home, hitting every red light, annoyingly. They sure do love me.
Pamela, I already know, is out on a hot date. 'How you should be too', she told me the other night. And she was right, and I even knew just the guy - Harvey, the high-level banker I met at a friend's wedding who is handsome, successful, kind, and who has already asked me out half a dozen or so times.
But I haven't wanted to get back into any serious dating these past few months with this big case, and I definitely don't now. Who am I kidding? As long as I keep seeing Landon, it would be unfair for me to see anyone else anyway.
At home, I clean up Madison's and my art mess. I do some laundry. I cook enough spaghetti Bolognese for the next four days. I even color-sort Madison's freaking closet and send Pamela a picture.
Then, I cave. I call him up. "Hey."
"Hey, busy girl."
"What's up?"
"Us, hopefully. If you're free?"
"I..." Think brain, think. There must be one thing more to do... anything. "...have to go grocery shopping."
"What a coincidence."
"Oh?"
"I love grocery shopping."
I can't help it: I laugh. "Landon."
"It's true. The free cookies, the new flavors of gelato they have every time I go, the bulk samples."
"I'm pretty sure the free cookies are for children."
"Don't worry - I'll get one for you too."
"Did I invite you along?"
Silence.
Shit. Why do I have to be so mean?
"I guess you could come," I say.
"I don't have to." A lot less enthusiasm in his voice now. "Don't want to pressure you into anything."
"You're not," I say. "Grocery shopping is fine. Myers, OK?"
"The one on Hudson? Sure. See you there in 20?"
"30," I say. "See you." I hang up.
After all, it's just grocery shopping. How hard can it be to keep my cool there?
I put on my coat before my mind can answer that question.
**
Landon's waiting for me inside the door of Myers, with an apologetic expression and two macadamia nut cookies. "Got here early. But figured I'd wait to enjoy mine until you got here."
I laugh, bite into it. It's damn good. "Thanks."
"I told them it was for my kid sister," he says.
"You are shameless."
Shrug. "It's for a good cause." A look swings my way. "You."
Two minutes in and I'm already thinking this is a poor, very poor, idea.
I give myself a little shake.
Cool it - just get the cart, look at your list, get the bread-veggies-meat-fruit-cookies-whatever. This is very, very doable.
How can his admiring gaze give me goose bumps in the middle of a freaking grocery store?
I get the cart and get shopping. Landon checks my list and comes back with almost half the items before I can even roll over to one.
"You know this place?" I ask.
"It's the one I go to," he says. "Decent prices, but still not too far."
