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"Is this a good idea?" I ask as we sit on a bench and start eating.
He just laughs. "Too late."
Next thing I know, he's lifted some cotton candy to my mouth. I eat it, my mouth brushing his fingers.
Fuck. Nothing about him can be tame, can it?
Now I'm feeding him, and he's feeding me, and our sticky lips are giggle-kissing and...
This time it's Landon who pulls away. "Want to come over?"
At my questioning look, he amends, "My place, I mean."
"What - now?"
His lips press together and his eyebrows dip. "Not that I'm not enjoying myself, but..." A look around to confirm there's no one nearby and he brings my hand to the front of his jeans.
Ah yes. Now I understand.
"Not my problem you're hard," I murmur with a saucy smirk.
He crosses his arms across his chest. "You're not going to take responsibility?"
"OK, maybe a bit. But you'll just have to wait."
Will he? What about telling him?
Stretching out his powerful arms, Landon sets off, taking my hand. "Let's get going, then. Less kissing, more riding." He winces as I crack up. "Not like that."
"Don't worry," I whisper in his ear as we approach the Ferris wheel. "I'll see what I can do after."
If he even still wants to see me after this.
Getting onto the Ferris wheel, still nibbling away at the hopelessly too-big cotton candy, it all comes crashing down on me.
I can't put it off anymore.
And yet, I can't say it now either - now with my whole body settled in a too-much-shit-food hangover.
Not that I've even perfected what to say. I tried writing it out a bunch of times at home, but all I got was a notebook full of scratched-out nonsense. After all, how do you tell someone: sorry, but I have a daughter that I haven't told you about for weeks? Are there any words on the planet that could soften that, make it palatable?
Is there some sort of strategy that could help? A slow lead-in, or - BAM! - hit him over the head with it?
How should I start?
So, there's something I've been meaning to tell you...
So, you know how I said there's things you don't know about me?
Landon, I'm really sorry, but there's something really important you should know. Someone, rather...
"Here we are," Landon says, breaking me out of my reverie.
Here we are is right. Cool night breeze on all sides. Landon's hand in mind. A toss of murky stars overhead, a toss of lights further out. Rides nearby are the most visible thing, but further out it's harder to see.
Like my and Landon's future - if we have one. If we do, one thing is for certain: I have to tell him. Now.
"Here we are," he says again, more softly this time.
Perfect time for a kiss - so of course he leans in for one.
It would be so easy to let that kiss take over, let it steal this moment. So right.
But I can't. I've put this off long enough.
His lips have just about landed on mine when I pull away. Swallow. Say: "There's something I have to tell you."
His face is disappointed already - a lost kiss - but it's about to get way more disappointed. Or shocked. Or... I don't know.
Stop putting it off. Just say it.
"I..."
Just fucking say it.
"Have a daughter."
It came out a croak and now I can't bear to look at him, but it doesn't matter. It's done.
Still, I can feel him gaping at me, speechless. For ten seconds, thirty, fifty, a minute...
When he does speak, it's an uncertain, "Bad joke, Kyra."
I look at him and see nothing but uneasiness. "I'm not joking."
He searches my face, the frown taking over his entire face. "Kyra... what the hell?"
I don't wait to see it come to his eyes.
"I'm so sorry," I say. "I know it's not at all enough. I should've told you before, weeks ago. Just... I didn't know how, and I wanted to protect her." A tentative smile. "My daughter. Madison."
He's looking away now, past me, disappointment etching all his features. "Madison."
The Ferris wheel has started carrying us down. There's a sick churning in my gut, but it's not from that. The night air seems cooler. The stars have receded out of reach. The only thing I can smell is smoke from somewhere.
How could I ever have thought that this was a good idea? Telling him, him and me in the first place.
"What else aren't you telling me?" he asks quietly.
"What? That's it. I think that's enough." My nervous giggle falls flat.
We're at the bottom now, getting off, leaving by the exit gate.
Landon stops a few steps away. "There's someone else. Isn't there?"
"Yeah, my daughter."
The gaze he cuts me with is merciless. "Not what I meant, and you know it."
"What are you saying?"
Is that it - or is it something else?"
