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Anyway, now I'm headed back to Kyra's, for whatever she has to say.
There's no point in trying to guess at it; that woman is about as predictable as the weather. Maybe even less.
Just when I think I know where we stand... boom. She wants nothing to do with me. Or, whoops, she has a kid. A kid who's actually pretty cool, but still.
No sooner have I knocked on her front door, then it's opening. Almost like she was standing right by it waiting.
What can it be?
She sits me on the couch and then she starts talking, words all odd and prepared-sounding, like she memorized cue cards for this.
"So," she says with a nod, "remember how when we were in college and I had that pregnancy scare you started freaking out, looking up abortion clinics?"
No fucking way.
"Hold up," I say, trying to keep my voice calm. "Are you pregnant?"
"No," she says, a smile that isn't as relieved as it should be.
"Then what's the problem?" I ask.
As far as I'm concerned, any day you don't find out about an accidental pregnancy is a good day. And Kyra looks nervous and wired as hell.
"Can you let me finish?" she snaps.
I shrug. "Sure."
"And remember how you were vehemently against having kids?" she continues.
Why do I feel like this is leading somewhere weird?
"Kyra." I frown at her. Maybe I wasn't a star dude when I was younger, but she doesn't have to keep throwing my doucheness in my face. "We were in our early 20s, and I didn't even have a decent job."
"Yeah, but..." Kyra trails off.
I never been some kind of emotional magician, but is that guilt on her face?
"You said you didn't want kids, period," Kyra reminds me, crossing her arms over her chest. She's changed into something comfortable looking... but still sexy. "We almost broke up over it a few times."
"Yeah, well."
"Yeah, well, what?"
I shrug. "The only experience I had of kids was my cousins, little demons who lit our Storm extended family cabin on fire because they weren't allowed to play Game Boy one afternoon."
"OK," Kyra says hesitantly, "But now?"
I stare at her.
No way can she be getting at what it seems like she is. No fucking way.
I rise. "Why are you asking me all this? One second you don't think we should be together, the next you're trying to discuss kids with me?"
"That's not what I'm trying to do," she says quietly, looking to the wall.
"Then what are you trying to do?" I find myself snapping, storming over in front of her. "Because I'm fucking baffled. And the way you called me to come over like this was some goddamn emergency..."
I'm tired of this 20 questions game. I want to know what the fuck is up. Now.
She rises, then sits down again in a single exhale. "I'm... trying to make sure this is the right thing." She looks at me sadly. "You never pushed it on asking me who Madison's father was."
"I wanted to know." I shrug. "You didn't want to tell me."
"Yeah, well." Her lower jaw trembles. Her whole body starts doing it too. What the hell can be this bad? Is the father someone I know? "I don't know how to say this, but she's yours."
My head jerks her way. "What?"
No fucking way.
She stands up again, starts pacing, eyes fixed determinedly ahead. "I know, it's just - the way you broke up with me. And how against kids you were. I didn't want Madison having a father like that. I didn't want you to be in her life just out of some twisted sense of obligation, not even wanting to."
"You're saying - " I snarl, standing in front of her so she has to stop. Has to look at me. "You're saying that... all this time... all these fucking years... I had a daughter? We have a daughter? Madison is my..."
I trail off, falling onto the couch.
Jesus fucking Christ. No wonder she seemed so familiar. No wonder we got along so well.
Holy fuck.
By now, Kyra's paced herself to a corner, peering over her shoulder at me like she's afraid to. "I'm so, so, so sorry, Landon. I understand if... after this... you don't want to - "
"Don't presume that you know what I want," I snap, getting up and sitting back down again. "You've been doing that this whole fucking time and look at where that's got us. Jesus, Kyra, I missed years of her life. Years. Does Madison know?"
Little nod. "I told her earlier today. She was mad too."
"No shit," I snap. "What were you thinking, Kyra?"
Her chin juts up, her glare boring into me, her voice quiet. "I was thinking that I wanted to spare her the pain I felt when you left. I was thinking I'd spare her the disappointment, the bitterness."
"You can't make everything about that," I argue, storming over to her. "You can't use that to justify everything. Are you really trying to justify this?"
