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"Not in the mood, Kyra."
"Oh."
"And I won't be for a while. Say it to me here."
Movement on the other end. Sounds like she's walking, or changing the hand that's holding the phone or something.
"Kyra," I say again, "Say it to me here."
"No."
"Do it."
"Landon."
"I want to hear you say it." I already know what she's going to say. I could see this one from a mile off. I'm just so fucking tired, that for once, I'm ready for it. Bring it fucking on.
"This... us... I - "
"Don't think it can work," I finish for her.
"Yeah," she says, voice relieved and sad and something else. "Not now, maybe not ever. I'm sorry."
"Don't be."
"OK, well..." she trails off.
"You'll let me see Madison, though. We can start with a weekend here and there, then see how it goes?" I find myself saying. I had no clue I was going to say that until I did. "I want to be in her life, Kyra."
"Of course," she says. "Good."
"Great," I say.
"Great," she says.
"I should get going," I say.
"Goodbye," she says.
"Goodbye," I say.
And then I hang up the phone.
Only then does it occur to me what I should've said.
Chapter 26
Kyra
"So, it's really over then?" Pompom asks, sprawled on the couch beside me. Her wide green eyes over the rim of the Chocolatey Chai tea she's drinking manage to look sympathetic and shocked all at once.
"I think so," I say.
It feels odd, saying it. Not right. Not wrong either, though.
"I don't think it's sunk in yet," I confess. "After all, it's only been a few days."
A few days of radio silence. The weekend's approaching, so I'll probably hear from him then about seeing Madison. Maddy hasn't shut up about it since I told her.
I check the time, but it's still early. The annual review at my work is happening later today.
Then there's this whole reunion with Pompom, which is going well... so far.
She nods, a stray red hair bouncing along with her. "Remember when that ska band guy dumped me it took me, like, months before I cried? And then I couldn't stop crying."
I snort. "Thanks for the vote of confidence."
"Not that you'll do that," Pamela clarifies with a winning smile and eyebrow raise. "You're way stronger than me, remember?"
I roll my eyes and sip my own peppermint tea from the new llama mug she just bought me. "OK, you're laying it on a little thick, there."
She shakes her head stubbornly. "Nope. Nothing short of me getting on hands and knees is too much. I'm just glad you agreed to see me at all."
"I'm still not even mostly over it," I confess.
"I know." Pamela bites her lip. "It's only been days. I was a bit surprised you agreed to see me this morning."
"Me too," I say with a shrug. "Maybe it's the whole Landon thing. Maybe my brain can only handle being mad at a limited number of people at once."
She sets her empty mug on the side glass coffee table. "You're mad at him?"
"Maybe." I shrug again. "Maybe a bit. I guess I thought that, after everything, he would fight for us. No matter what. He kept coming back, kept trying to make things work. Then again, I did betray his trust hugely. And I'm not sure I even want him to try to make this work. I think we need to just let it go."
Pamela reaches over to squeeze my hand. "I don't know. I'm not as sure as you are that things are over over. How do you know that when he shows up to pick up Madison, the romantic music in the back of your heads won't start playing... and your eyes won't meet... and..."
"I don't know," I admit with a shrug. "It just feels over now." I set my mug down with a sigh. Time for a change of subject. "I'm pretty sure I'm going to lose my job today."
"I swear," Pamela says, reaching over to squeeze my other hand. "Once my old bestie from high school comes through, you've got first dibs on a job, before me."
"I appreciate it," I say with a smile. "Though I have zero experience in graphic design - unless you count those epic cover pages for our book reports back in primary."
Pamela laughs so hard that a little snort comes out. "Oh my God, you and your Comic Sans. Plus, that rainbow background you couldn't seem to get enough of."
"It was a hella pretty rainbow background, I'll have you know," I say stiffly, although a giggle is traveling up my throat.
In the end, Pamela stays with me right until it's time to go for my meeting. She even comes along for the ride there.
"I've got things to do in the city," she says offhand, which may or may not be true. "Anyway, you need the moral support. Even though you're going to totally ace it."
