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“The scary part about that is, you actually believe that.”
“Because I’m honest and it’s true.” I look into his warm eyes. “You don’t know me. You don’t know the shit I’ve done.”
“I don’t care about your past. I want to get to know you.”
“I leave in a few weeks, what’s the point?”
He grins playfully. “Maybe I can convince you to stay?”
“I have to leave; I don’t have the luxury of choice…”
“You’re eighteen. You don’t have to do anything.”
“I can’t leave my sister,” I admit sadly. “She won’t make it without me.”
“Right.” He places his hand over mine. “I forgot about your sister, I’m sorry, I’m being insensitive.”
I wave him off and look at the screen. “I am flattered though. You know?”
“You are?”
“A hot, smart, college-age guy wants to kiss me. Of course, I’m flattered. Maybe if things were different. Maybe if I were a different person—”
“This movie is shit,” Nok declares and yanks open the door to the truck with us still in the bed. “Let’s go.”
“Nokosi,” Nash snaps but Nokosi is already turning on the engine. We pull away from our spot, lights full, both Nash and I rolling around in the back as we go over the bumpy gravel lot. “Stop! What is wrong with you?”
I move to the side and hold on tight as we careen around a corner and over a speed bump.
“What’s wrong with him?” Nash asks me.
“How should I know?” I yell back over the sound of the wind and the engine battling for decibel supremacy. I don’t like this. I hit my head on the truck side as we go over a bump at a ridiculously high speed. Burning pain pops along my temple and cheekbone.
My mind starts to conjure images, irrational fears of events that never happened but suddenly feel so real. I feel dizzy, like when a car flips over and rolls down a steep hill, hitting trees and shit along the way. I can’t breathe.
My head hurts. I want to vomit.
The faces of the people I love hold lifeless glassy eyes. My limbs won’t move. I’m broken.
I’m having a panic attack.
My head really fucking hurts right now.
Nash slams his hand against the window that overlooks the cab of the truck. “NOK!”
We hit a smoother terrain and stop at a junction leading to the main road that takes us back into Westoria.
I take this moment to dive over the side of the truck. I land on my hands and knees and gasp for air. I feel something warm hit my hand and at first I think it’s a tear but then I realize that it’s too dark to be a tear. It’s blood from my nose.
My head is throbbing.
“Lilith, loca, are you okay?” Nash asks, skidding to a stop beside me.
“Don’t fucking touch me,” I shout, wiping my bloody nose on my bare wrist. Dark red smears up my arm. It reminds me that I’m alive. I’m okay. I can breathe… it’s okay.
He hands me a rag of some sort, I take it and hold it against my face, pinching my nostrils closed through the material.
“Is he insane?” I yell at Nash but Nok finally climbs out of the vehicle. When he opens his mouth to speak I repeat my question but change the direction, “Are you fucking insane?”
“Let me see,” he insists, stepping closer to me but I hold up my blood-stained hand.
“You could have killed us. You could have killed your brother. Does he mean nothing to you?”
“You’re being really dramatic.”
Even Nash blinks at him for that one.
I show him the bloodied rag and let my nose leak more of my life fluid. “Dramatic? This is dramatic?” When he doesn’t react, my rage fills my eyes with a red blur. I reach into my bag and pull out my switchblade, then press the little silver button and let the sharpened end flip free. “I’ll show you fucking dramatic.”
“Whoa, okay, let’s calm down,” Nash tries, raising his hands and taking a step backwards. “I know he scared you and hurt you but…”
Nok stares me down, his eyes flick to the blade. “You won’t stab me.”
“Are you so sure about that?” I ask, taking a step towards him, feeling angry and powerful. My head is throbbing, my nose has stopped leaking blood, so I wipe away the excess with the rag and throw it on the floor. “You’re an arrogant prick.”
“You’re right, he so is. He’s not worth going to jail for.”
“Shut up, Nash,” Nok and I say at the exact same time.
“What do you want from me?” Nok snaps, glaring me down, just a meter between us. “An apology?”
“Don’t,” Nash warns, looking at his brother.
“Just get back in the truck, I’ll take you home, and you can sleep off this tantrum you’re having.”
“Tantrum?” I hiss. “You fucking threw me around in the bed of your truck!”
