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“I hate racoons.”
“Feisty little fucks,” he agrees and goes back to sweeping.
He turns his back to me and I consider how easy it would be to take the thin belt from my dated jeans and wrap it around his neck. It’d be so easy to kill him, well… not easy but not difficult either. He’s let his guard down with me, sees me as nothing but a sick, weak girl. Probably thinks I’m attracted to him. If only he knew.
“So, what’s wrong with you exactly? Your sister doesn’t talk about it.”
I’m surprised by his question, and the fact that my sister hasn’t told anybody what I have. Though she has been acting strange lately. Is she embarrassed by me?
No. She loves me. She needs me. She’d never choose him over me. Still… I can’t be too careful. It’s better to remove the temptation from her path than to dangle it and take the risk.
“I have a brain tumor in the frontal lobe. It’s been growing since birth so it’s pretty rooted in there.”
He stops, looking sad for a long moment. “That sucks.”
“It is what it is.”
“Does it hurt?”
I shrug my shoulders. “I get headaches sometimes and the medication I take can make me space out and sicky, but I’m good otherwise. It’s the seizures that are the worst but they’re very infrequent.”
He leans the broom against the wall and crouches by the pile he made with a dustpan and brush. “And there’s no cure? No way they can remove it?”
“No, brain surgery would kill me, it’s surprising that I’m even alive while it’s in there.”
Almost-amber eyes search my face, a sadness to them that just intensifies with each passing second. “I couldn’t imagine losing my brother. I couldn’t imagine my brother losing me.”
Something painful jolts in my chest at his words. Perhaps he understands me better than I thought.
“How long do you have left?”
“Months, maybe,” I murmur, looking at the ground and frowning. I lose myself in my thoughts and memories, cherishing each one for a moment, allowing myself to feel them all.
My fifth birthday where I started to insist on having my own birthday cake because I didn’t want to be the same as Lilith all the time.
When she looked after me after I broke my leg at six years old. How she was always good at hair and I was always bad at it, so she’d do my hair every day before school so I didn’t feel out of place.
The time she beat up a kid called Adeline for being mean to me about my inability to read and write very well. My sister sat with me for hours teaching me to read after that. She said she’d never let anyone hurt me. She said she’d protect me, and she always did. We always protected each other.
We loved each other so much. I love her so much.
I jump when a hand lands on my shoulder. I’m about to bite it, sink my teeth through the flesh and rip, until I see Nokosi’s concerned eyes on mine.
“You okay?” he asks softly, his demeanor and tone not matching his rough exterior.
I nod but don’t shrug him off. His touch doesn’t completely repulse me right now. In fact, I find it quite soothing.
“I lost you there for a minute. Where’d you go?”
I tap my temple. “Memories. Just cherishing them… while I still can.” The last part was meant as a joke, but it falls flat, his frown is proof of that. “Lighten up a bit, Nok, tis all grand.”
He doesn’t reply, he just walks to the dilapidated shelving unit and starts to break it apart.
I join him, standing beside him and holding the metal rod that connects the corners as he kicks the shelves off. I do it too and it’s therapeutic when my foot breaks apart the flimsy, aged wood.
I giggle, feeling free of pain and worries as I destroy something other than the people around me.
When it’s rubble and garbage on the ground, Nokosi turns to me and we slap our hands together in celebration.
Then comes the cleanup and Nokosi laughs when I get a convenient headache and must sit down for this part.
This time when he catches me checking him out, I don’t look away. I wink, mimicking the casual arrogant smirk that he often displays on his handsome face.
He rolls his eyes, a handsome and playful smile on his face, and continues with his job, leaving at midnight to go home and get some rest.
Lilith
“You keep yawning,” I point out, resting my chin on Nok’s bare chest as his fingertips trail lazily up and down my spine.
“Didn’t sleep well last night,” he mumbles, shifting slightly beneath me to find a more comfortable position. His other hand pushes my hair behind my ear. “I think I did a good job.”
