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“Why don’t you want to stay?”
I raise my hands and let them hit my thighs with a slap. “Because I want to see more of the world before I die.”
His head dips. “I get that. I respect that too.”
“It’s not like she can’t come back when I die.”
He nods again. “I totally understand that too. Have you told her that?”
I walk away from him and play with the end of my braid. My hair feels so dry these days. Another symptom of the meds, perhaps? Who the fuck knows anymore?
“We just end up arguing about it.”
He blows a raspberry. “Siblings fucking suck sometimes. But… I can’t keep hiding this from her because you’re worried about the fallout.”
“I know,” I agree sadly.
“You need to tell her about this.”
I look at him, the narrow points at the edge of each eye, the heavy lids that make him constantly smolder, the creases around his thick, heart-shaped lips, the striking dark ring of brown that circles his light brown iris. “She won’t let us hang out anymore.”
He chuckles under his breath and murmurs, “Maybe that’s for the best.”
I laugh with him, not denying the fact I want more from him than I know he will give. “Promise me you won’t tell her until I do?”
“I’m not making that promise.”
Of course, he’s not. He’s too fucking loyal to her.
I groan and punch him playfully in the chest, it doesn’t bother him in the slightest. “Then can I ask a favor?”
“You already asked me about a million and I’m still working on them,” he jokes, smirking at me now in that very way that used to infuriate me.
“Can you use this last time alone with me to make your confession?”
His smile fades as I knew it would. A sad sight.
“What?”
“Your confession. I told you mine, my sister told you too, so now you tell me yours.”
He looks dumbfounded, almost terrified. Suddenly this strong, handsome man that my sister is bedding looks about nine years old, wanting to hide from monsters that don’t exist. Or perhaps they did for him.
“I don’t want to talk about that.”
“I know, and that’s exactly why you should.”
He frowns. “Why?”
“Because damaged people understand damaged people. I’m about as damaged as it gets. Lay it on me. Let me take it from you for a while. I know you want to tell somebody.”
He shakes his head. “If that’s so true why won’t your sister talk to me about what happened to her? I want to ask her about it, but I gave her my word I never would.”
“What do you want to know?” I ask, and we both sit on upturned buckets facing each other. “Ask me anything, I’ll answer if I can.”
“I’m almost scared to,” he mutters and rubs his eyes with the heels of his palms.
I wait expectantly and I can tell by the look in his browns and the way he’s biting his lips he’s really thinking hard about the questions he wants to ask.
“What happened? How did it start?”
“Are you sure you have the stomach for it, Nokosi?”
“No.”
I laugh through my nose. “Well, you better line it with lead in preparation.” I rub my hands on my thighs. “Growing up, my sister and I were good students, great daughters, good friends. We weren’t bullies or bullied, we had stable lives and a happy-ish home.”
“That’s good to know.”
“But…” I continue, smiling sadly. “We found out I was sick. I had a seizure and collapsed during a school trip, they did a brain scan and six months later I was being pumped full of medications to stop the growth of this tumor. A tumor I’ve had unknowingly since birth.”
His lips part. “I’m sorry… that sucks.”
“Yes… well… anyway. So, treatments failed, and I was told I had maybe two years left to live. The chances of me reaching my nineteenth birthday were slim then and even slimmer now.” I raise my hands to show him all I am.
“You don’t look skinny and frail like I imagined you would,” he admits softly, and I laugh.
“You’ve been imagining my body, have you, Nok?”
He rolls his eyes.
“Anyway, I decided that we needed to live a little, me and Lilith. We didn’t really party or do much other than take our bikes out, and I really didn’t want to die a virgin but not many people wanted to date the new girl with no hair.”
“I’m sure you were still beautiful.”
“What’s worse is… I lost my hair for nothing. The chemo failed to stop the tumor’s growth, so it was all pointless.” I flap my hand at him. “So, me being me I decided to make friends with all of the wrong people. I started dabbling in drugs because you only live once, right? I started drinking and partying and then finally I met this gorgeous eighteen-year-old guy. He was so fucking handsome, really preppy, rich, like Bill Gates rich.”
