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“Sounds like a dick.”
“He was, but he wanted to party, and I wanted to lose my virginity. He said he knew what he was doing, that he’d make it good for me. I believed him, but my sister didn’t want me to party alone. Of course, she didn’t. She never did. She followed me around, making sure I got home safe, loving me and looking after me…”
“Lilith is good like that.”
I nod slowly. “She really is. She’s amazing. So, we go to this guy’s house and he’s having a gathering with his friends, right? Just him and a few buddies, but that’s cool, they’re all snorting coke and drinking tequila, we’re all just there to have a good time.”
His back stiffens. “I don’t know if I want to hear this.”
“I’ll spare you most of it but let’s put it this way… one minute I was awake and grinding up on him, the next I’m on the ground and my head is foggy. But I hadn’t done any drugs or drank much. I wanted to be mostly sober for my deflowering.”
Nokosi buries his head in his hands for a moment, his thigh is bouncing. “I really don’t know if I want to hear this.”
“My sister, who was saving her virginity for somebody she cared about was on the floor next to me but too far for me to reach. Some asshole was peeling down her pants as another kept trying to get her to drink. She’d been saying no to their offers for drinks all night and they didn’t like that. They pushed the bottle into her mouth… it broke her tooth, her incisor. She rolled over and vomited, I saw it floating in the bile between us.”
“Fuck… what the fuck?” he breathes, looking as sick as I feel telling this story. This truth of mine that I’ve never once told anybody.
“They raped her, I watched them lift her legs, spread them in her dazed state and one by one they fucked her, coming inside of her, laughing with each other and chatting like they weren’t committing a crime. She screamed. She wasn’t one of those who lay there and just took it like I did. She screamed, and begged, and fought, and they wouldn’t stop. They didn’t care. These were not men, they were fucking animals and they took something from her that she’d never get back.”
Nokosi places his hands on mine and squeezes. “You don’t have to continue if you don’t want to.”
“I felt my sister’s pain more than I felt my own, that’s crazy right? I felt sadder for her than I did for myself.” I turn my hands over and grip his tight.
We’re bonding, sharing this moment with him is bringing us closer together, I can feel it.
“What happened to them? What happened to you?”
“Well, there wasn’t really any hiding what they’d done, we were a mess, I felt sure they were going to kill me but everybody knew where we were because the fucking idiots had posted all over social media with pictures of us partying with them.” I sigh, thinking back to that night all the while trying not to vomit and lose my mind over it.
“The rich one, he was an arrogant son of a bitch. He didn’t care who knew what he’d done because it turns out his father was… let’s just say an important man. It became clear to us by the morning that nobody was going to help us. The father of said prick was as sadistic as his son… he told us he’d have us institutionalized and accuse us of trying to rob him to pay for our medical expenses. Blah blah blah. It was all bullshit. He paid us off for our silence and we took the cash, of course we did, we weren’t stupid. Or I wasn’t… My sister wanted nothing to do with the money.” I laugh coldly. “The fucker even paid for our medical care, made one of his doctor buddies take care of us. We were so badly brutalized that we needed stitches down below… that’s how fucked up that night was. Trust me when I tell you that I’m sparing you the gore.”
“I believe you. You don’t have to. I can handle it.”
“No, you can’t. You love my sister. It’ll keep you up at night.” I relax my hands in his. “The man had us followed for weeks, making sure we didn’t go to the police. He had our clothes that we were wearing that night burned and any other evidence. We had not a leg to stand on even if we did go to the cops. We knew it was pointless and to say that felt frustrating is an understatement. We couldn’t handle how unfair it felt. But we told our parents, of course we did… though I wish we hadn’t.”
