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“I was so devastated I didn’t care if I lived or died,” she admitted, her voice thick with remembered pain.
He was silent for a long time. When he finally spoke again, his low tone had a faraway quality. “How did you manage alone without my help?”
“I don’t know.” She lay back against her pillow and stared up at the dark ceiling. “Somehow I just got through the days, one at a time. I guess I took care of myself…because of our precious baby.” She paused. “Even so, he only lived a day. That was the worst part.”
“He?”
“We had a son. He had dark hair like yours. I loved him so much…more than anything. I named him Logan.”
“Oh, my God! So, that’s why you cried when I kissed your scar in the garçonnière, why you’re crying now,” he said, his voice still strange and distant. “He died, and you had to face all that alone. It must have been unbearable. I can’t believe I was so horribly cold to you…even before the worst had happened.”
“You didn’t know.”
“As if that excuses my behavior. What did you do next?”
“I buried our baby and my pain. I tried to forget him and you as well, by hiding behind my camera. For years, I preferred to be a witness to other people’s pain.”
“No wonder.”
Something in his voice and manner filled her with new apprehension.
“Even though I was running from my own heartbreak, I wanted my pictures to scream victims’ stories, maybe because my own pain was locked so tightly in my heart.”
“You threw yourself in danger because of what I did to you and our son. You could have died, and I would never have known how deeply I had wronged you. I would never have known about our little boy. I would have gone on living my silly, stupid, self-serving life. Mitchell Butler is right about me.”
He sounded so utterly stricken, she lifted her gaze to his and found his eyes cloudy with dark emotion.
“It wasn’t all your fault,” she said gently. “Maybe I should have been stronger. Or maybe I was too bold. I did sort of throw myself at you that summer.”
“As many young girls do, who don’t know the power of their sexuality and where it can lead. No, I was older. I should have faced the reality of what I did, of what happened…that I cared about you…deeply. I knew you loved me, and I was stupid and cruel and set on an idiotic course because of outdated ideas about duty and family. Damn.” Guilt and shame filled his broken tone.
She leaned across the bed to touch him, to comfort him, but the moment her fingertips slid against the hot, hard flesh of his shoulder, he jerked away from her.
“No. I don’t deserve you. Not after this.”
“Logan, it was a long time ago.”
“Do you think that matters?” he demanded icily. “I should have thought about the possibility of a baby. I should have listened when you called me. Cici, oh, God, Cici, I’ll never forgive myself for making you go through that alone. I can’t even begin to imagine how terrible it all must have been for you.”
When he stood up and began to dress, her heart began to slam in slow, painful beats. “I didn’t tell you about our son to make you unhappier or guiltier. I think I forgave you a long time ago. Tonight, I just wanted to share his short life and my love for him with you. That’s all. I wanted you to know that we had this precious, darling son together.”
“Well, I’m glad you told me,” he said coldly. “Now I’m going out. I have to be alone.”
“But Logan… I need you…”
“No, you don’t. When have I ever satisfied any of your real needs? Tomorrow I think you should leave.”
“What? You’re sending me away?”
“It’s for your own good.”
“You’re really serious?”
“Someday you’ll thank me,” he said savagely.
“No. I won’t. Don’t I have any rights in this relationship?”
“Like I said, you’ll be better off!”
“But what if I don’t see it that way? You have no right to make this decision for me.”
“I have news for you. The decision has been made.” He stalked toward the door.
“You’re as high-handed and arrogant and hateful as you always were!” she shouted.
“Finally, you understand me as well as Mitchell Butler does—only he’s got an advantage—because he’s exactly like me. I eat people alive!” He opened the door, banged it shut and was gone.
She heard his footsteps slamming down the stairs. The front door opened and closed. She heard his car start. Then tires squealed down the drive.
